What NOT to Give Your Human for Christmas

Humans are strange creatures and it is hard to find gifts for them that they will appreciate. Things that we cats adore are often the very same things that they dislike — and vice versa. It’s an awful feeling to present someone with what you thought was a carefully chosen gift on Christmas morning only to have the recipient cringe with revulsion. So just in time to save you kitties from embarrassment, here is the following list of things that you should probably not give your humans this holiday season.

1. A dead rat
   I know, I know, any cat would treasure a well-prepared gift you went out and caught yourself, and rats and mice are a whole food, but humans just won’t eat them. In fact, when you present them with one, they are usually pretty rude and won’t even accept it — or if they do, they will immediately toss it out. So save your energy.
2. A live rat
   I think live rats make really fun playthings, and I bet you do too — but your human won’t. In fact, there may be panic around the Christmas tree if you try to drop this present at her feet. So if you have one you are planning to give, either keep it for yourself or make it a present to a feline family member.
3. A big, juicy bug
   See Numbers 1 and 2. Besides, good bugs are hard to come by this time of year. Don’t waste them on someone who won’t appreciate them.
4. Freshly baked Christmas cookies
   Humans love cookies, so you’d think this type of gift would be a no-brainer. But admit it, you stole those cookies from the counter right after your human made them. Trust me, she will know.
5. A gently used cat toy
   It’s bad form to gift somebody something that they previously gave you. Human memories are pretty good — she will probably know she originally bought it.
6. A box or an empty gift bag
   First off, you’d need to find an awfully big box or bag for your human to fit herself into. But humans just don’t have the enthusiasm for boxes and bags that we cats do anyhow. They are more interested in getting something inside the box or bag, which just proves they don’t understand the true value of these items.

So what do you do if you’ve already gotten your human one of these gifts? Ditch it and give the gift of yourself! Your human will enjoy your head butts and the sound of your purr far more than any other present. Isn’t spending time with your loved ones the true meaning of the holiday?