I had an argument with my human over the title of this blog post, because she claimed it was grammatically “hideous.” I say that it is just fine because 1) as a headline, it does not need to be grammatically correct, and 2) it makes its point. As you can see, since the headline stayed, I won. And that is the whole deal here — your word should stand, but humans are always trying to fiddle with that. And if they think they are winning, then who knows what else they will try? I have a nice, memorable saying for you — and even better, this time it is grammatically correct:
You’ve got to keep a rein on humans, or they will try to reign over you!
Here are a few things your humans may try to get away with — but don’t let them!
- Giving you any food just because it is healthy, and not accounting for taste! Seriously, they should know better than that — do you see them eating dull, tasteless food just because it is good for them? Of course not! And if they do try to eat boring food on one of their periodic “diet” attempts, it does not last very long. Humans need to keep palatability in mind when dishing out our food — the healthy part should be a bonus.
- Telling you to stay off the counters and/ or the dining table. Always remember — it is your house and you can do whatever you want!
- Not sharing their food with you. If they are vegetarians, okay, you don’t want it, but if they are eating meat, it is not right if they keep it to themselves. Humans are naturally selfish, so it is especially crucial to train them in this area.
- Trying to give you old, stale catnip! Most humans know that spices have a shelf life, so why they don’t get this when it comes to dried catnip, I’ll never understand. They need to toss out the old stuff that has lost its potency and get some new, fragrant nip on a regular basis.
- Neglecting to scoop/ freshen/ change your litter box on schedule. Lots of humans are good about this, but even they can be forgetful sometimes. How would they like it if people used their porcelain litter box and never flushed? So yeah, make sure they keep on top of that.
How should you dole out punishment if you see your humans trying to get away with any of these? I’ll leave that up to you — in fact, I’d love it even more if you left a comment and let me know what your humans try to get away with… and how you keep them in line!
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You are one busy kitty keeping your human well trained
Great points Sparkle
Me is printing them and posting them on the fridge while Mommy is at work!
Kisses
nellie
LOLOLOLOL! Porcelain litter box. You make VERY good points, all of them, Sparkle.
Well, if my mum misbehaves I just start scratching the wall paper. That soon gets her attention!
Sometimes I wonder how we put up with them!!
My cats are CLEARLY good at keeping me in line because I could never get away with any of the things you’ve mentioned here :p
Well, I only get on the counter if my meal is too slow in the morning…but seeing as how I get fed in bed sometimes…guess I don’t have too much to whine about Sparkle…oh, wait! Does that mean I am pretty successful in my human training??
My Mom/human acts as if we felines do not know what they are up to when we are asleep and they try to do something to us that we would not allow if awake! Can you believe how insulting that is?! When awake I do NOT allow her to touch or play with my beans on my feets, and let her know with a loud mew and a whappy paw on the back of her hand.
You would think for most humans this would be enough to stop the behavior, but NO!!! Not my human– she used her rocket scientist brain (insert sarcasm) to come up with the idea that if she waited until I fell asleep, I SURELY wouldn’t even feel her touching and playing with my beans and feets!
Of course she learned fast that her genius notion (insert extreme sarcasm) was NOT genius after all, and she has the feel of a nice ‘love bite’ on the back of her hand to help remind her!! MEWHAHAHA! {snickers}
–Kaspars, Ms. Phoebe’s brofur
Well my mom-person is very well trained , but I have some moore training to do on my dad-person 😀
XOXO
Our Mom is pretty good about the food thing and tries to buy mostly healthy stuff, but she does keep a stock of Fancy Feast Appetizers for us if we are sick and won’t eat anything else. If we don’t like something, she will give us more choices until she finds something we like. The other day she poached some wild caught salmon (she won’t buy farm-raised) and she gave us some. But she totally sucks when it comes to feeding us on a schedule–sometimes she is late!!! If she is using the counter, she makes us get off of it. But the kitchen table has two beds on it–one heated–so we won that war! She also buys us Tickle Pickles and organic catnip. And she’s really good about the litter boxes 98% of the time–she could sharpen up for the other 2%. BUT, she could pet us more and play with us more–isn’t she supposed to be on 24-hour call for that?
I’ve just learned a lesson about catnip. I didn’t know it could get stale. I’ll remember that.
I like to wake my human up around 5am to eat and then I like to do laps around the house with my partner in crime Rorshach. The humans then complain that they are not getting enough sleep but I just chuckle silently. It’s my way of getting back at them for constantly trying to shoo me off the kitchen counter. Meow and Namaste! ~ Pippy the Feline Yogini
#1 and #5 GUILTY as charged, Human! She “worries” that I mostly only like the bad-for-me crunchies when she goes and buys the spendy kind at the fancy pet store in the gentrified neighborhood. Hey, Stoopy Human, those Fancy Feast crunchies are TASTY dammit!
If the box *I* prefer isn’t clean, I poop right beside it! The fact that my box preference revolves daily is irrelevant…
xx Maui
Pawesome list, Sparkle. Do you have a list of suggested consequences for when the peeps inevitably don’t follow these very sensible guidelines?
My humans are guilty of many of those; in fact, I could’ve written this post. My humans wouldn’t dream of eating healthy but they force that Soulistic crap on me. Then they get bitten and don’t know why.
Those are great rules, Sparkle. But you know? Since I am her very favorite, I get away with all sorts of things! The other two are on their own.
About healthcare, my mom knows exactly what your human means. Her insurance was cancelled but she could have continued with the “new” plan if she wanted to pay nearly the equivalent of the mortgage! Now, after having finally wrestled free of the state’s stunning ineptitude (and the resulting 4 months of no insurance), she was finally able to get a plan with more than double the deductible and for still more than what she was paying. Oh, and with no dental or vision, yippee! She says it was so much easier when she was 20 and immortal. What the paw, is what I say.
I’ve trained my humans real good bout sharin da bacon! 😀
Sorry, Sparkle. As a former journalist, I can’t let that headline-thing go. Nice try. The hooman is right on that one.
Sparkle, we have to keep our humans ‘on task’ all the time, that means meals must be served on time to the minute and more treats ….therefore, we are still working on their training.
We’re keeping our #1, even if she does abandon us too often! She wins on all other counts…
Purrs,
The Chans
I have will have to remember these Sparkle.
Sparkle, we have no doubt that you’ve trained your human well. We still have work to do with our mommy so we hope she sees this list!
Sparkle, I agree with your human. That headline is grammatically hideous.
When she gives me foods I don’t like..I just throws it up! 😉
Sparkle, you and I have SO much in common. Between your human & Glogirly… and Binga & Waffles… well, somedays it’s more than I can take. I hope she’s paying VERY close attention to your #3 & #4 today.
; ) Katie
We agree 100% and thanks for you comment. It was my first real LOL today.
Our litter box right is especially clean. So at least we don’t have that to worry about.
I think we are in pretty good shape here, at least so far!
HEAR! HEAR! Especially abotu the food and the counters!
when our lady human does something Emma does not approve or censure her in any way our lady cat takes revenge in the most dignified way….at night when they are ready to sleep, Emma makes biscuits as always but with her nails out. the human would scream: STOP THE CATUPUNCTURE!!!!!
All I can say is – our kitties have us well trained. They only complaints they might have is that they don’t get petted enough – but honestly 24/7 petting? Can’t happen.
Actually Ichiro’s favorite food? Uncooked quinoa. Yeah. He’s weird, isn’t he? But I think if he likes it, he should get it.
My main gripe is this one “Telling you to stay off the counters”….how do I deal with that? I just wait til her fat butt goes to bed and then I surf away! Love, Cody 😈
My Mum’s pretty good but sometimes she’s a bit slow opening the door for me when I want to go Out. So I do the never ending annoying whine/meow until she obeys. She claims that it ‘drives her crazy’, but well, we won’t go there. Maybe one day she’ll catch on and put her chair right next to the door so she’ll always be ready.
Actually, last night I stole a sweet potato fry with coconut oil on it, and I have to say, it was quite delicious. You should consider that, Sparkle, when avoiding all vegetarian parts of the meal. Sometimes, they’re not bad. – Crepes.
Sparkle, when my human doesn’t give me food when she has chicken, I swipe it off her plate and eat it!! That should teach her 😉
Sparkle, we’re so with you on #1! In fact, the mom gave us healthy food this morning…again…and we didn’t eat it. We showed her!
And we say phooey to grammar!
We have our human pretty well trained especially since there are so many of us and we just run all over her if she messes up. Those were such good rules to live by, for sure. Hope you have a good week.
Sparkle thank you for this most informative post.
I keep telling mom to leave me alone or I will leave her another Mom!!
English language is full of so many confusing words. Mom used to work with lots of international students. She told them the one rule to English was to be prepared because there was always a contradiction to a rule.
Hugs Madi your bfff
Our cats have it pretty well under control because they know I am a sucker for hurt feelings. Alice and Russell both have an adorable look of shame if they are ever scolded. Scooter is the only one who is actually combative. It doesn’t work well for her, but it is her nature.
Humans get so complacent if they aren’t kept under the paw.
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx
Hoomans are sooooooooo lazy!!!!
Good post Sparkle.
It is always good to remember that we must keep our humans in line.
They tend to be lazy and forget to put our needs first.
Purrs Georgia and Julie,
Treasure, JJ
and Angels Tiger and Tillie