Sparkle’s Human Astrology for Cats: Cancer

Cancer
June 21 – July 22

When you first come home with a Cancer human, you’ll think you’ve hit the jackpot. Here’s a human who really knows how to care for you. She (or he) knows exactly the right kind of cat bed and cat tree that will appeal to you. She carefully chooses the best food for you, striking the perfect balance between healthy and tasty. She is lots of fun, nurturing and loves you like mad. Then trouble strikes.

You have to go to the vet clinic and you don’t want to. You are sure you can manipulate your way out of it — go hide somewhere or put up such a fight that your human will panic or feel guilty and give up. Well, guess what? You are out of luck. You are going to that vet, no matter what. Cancer knows all your hiding places, even the super-secret ones. She will turn your struggling body every which way until you fit into that carrier. And don’t think you will make the both of you so late that you will miss the appointment — she has already factored the time dealing with you into the trip. And as you are in the car, singing the song of your people, she may even tell you that awful, boldfaced lie: “I’m sorry, baby. This hurts me worse than it hurts you.”

Cancer loves you through the good and the bad, that’s for sure. Unfortunately, this sign is up to all the “caring” tasks you would rather avoid — the trips to the vet, the meds, even — yes — the dreaded “diet.” At least with the latter, you will have a sympathetic ear, since Cancer loves food as much as you do. But Cancer is one tenacious cookie, and will persist in doing something after every other sign (except perhaps Taurus) has given up. And if it involves doing something for your own good? Cancer is even more persistent. How maddening!

The upside to all this is that Cancer will protect you fiercely and love you forever. This sign can’t even fathom the word “fickle.” When you become part of Cancer’s family it is for life, and if your safety is ever threatened, you’ll discover that Cancer’s claws are as sharp as yours. She is a little clingy with money, it is true, but she will probably scrimp on the quality of her own rations before she cheaps out on yours. If she starts bringing home cat food on sale from the grocery store, you will know she is down to her last few thousand in the bank. Did I mention she is clingy with money?

One Cancer quirk that will annoy most kitties: many of them are photography nuts. They will enjoy taking endless photos of you whether they have any talent at it or not (and actually a large percentage of Cancer people are excellent photographers). And no matter how often you look away and try to ruin shots, they will not stop until they’ve gotten their picture. Trust me, I know — my human is a sun sign Cancer! In the old days, they would have put all these photos in a treasured scrapbook — and because they are sentimental, I bet some Cancers still do own scrapbooks. But these days, they are more likely to post them online, and they’ll have a dedicated photo account or hard drive (or both) where everything is saved and backed up thricefold.

Cancer humans are changeable and moody, kind of like their ruler, the Moon. They are happy one moment, tearful the next, and then so snappish you don’t even want to be near them. Fortunately for us kitties, Cancer moodiness is usually directed at other humans — they will seek comfort and validation from you. Be a good sport and hang in there — you will be rewarded with your favorite treats, and your Cancer human will know exactly which ones you want.

Not every cat will get along with Cancer humans equally. There are some adjustments to be had for several signs. Gemini, you will feel like Cancer is stifling your freedom (and you would be right) — you will have to work extra hard to show this sign that you really need space. Sagittarius, you will have a similar problem, plus you are a bit clumsy, so Cancer will be overprotective of you. Try to have a little more grace and make her laugh — that should help. Aries will love being nurtured by Cancer on one hand, but balk at some of her “rules” — rules that are meant for your own safety. You will, of course, ignore them, so don’t look at me when you wind up at the vet. Good news for Aquarius kitties: the sort of things that would drive Cancer crazy if you were a human, she will like about you. Your quirkiness appeals to her, and she will take very good care of you. Libra, your Cancer human may get frustrated when you can’t decide which food you like, but other than that you will make a great pair. The Cancer human-Leo cat combination is especially nice — Leo kitties will be happy to have their very own fangirl or boy. Virgo cats will find it easy to train Cancer humans to their exacting standards, and Taurus kitties will feel very comfortable under Cancer’s warmth and caring. Capricorn cats have a hard time opening up to humans — but Cancer can make that very easy for you. You Scorpio cats will be amused by your Cancer humans’ protectiveness, when you know they are the ones that need protecting! And of course you are up to that challenge. Pisces cats will have a connection with their humans that is almost psychic. Well, actually it is psychic!

What about a Cancer cat and a Cancer human? You are both so moody it might be a bit of a roller coaster! When you are both in the same grouchy phase, your house will be quite an unpleasant place! On the other hand, when you are both cheerful, you couldn’t find a sunnier home.