As I peruse the Cat Blogosphere and beyond, it occurs to me that some of you out there need a refresher in kitty dos and don’ts. So I thought I would put together a quick list of 5 “Dos” and 5 “Don’ts.” Read up — too many of you are slacking off!
Oh, this isn’t directed towards you kitties. As you know, you can do whatever you want. This is for your humans!
DO
- Make sure the cupboard is always full of treats. This is especially important in the winter for those living in areas where extreme weather conditions may leave everyone housebound. Run out of treats at your own risk.
- Let the cats have as much of the bed as they want. You really do not need as much room to sleep as you believe.
- Rearrange your sleeping and work hours to match your cat’s. We cats are not going to change ours to fit yours, so you might as well give in.
- Set out the basket of freshly washed and dried laundry for your cat to nap in. You can fold it and put it away later (after going over it with the lint roller).
- Give your cats gifts on a regular basis. These gifts must be thoroughly encased in wrapping paper. Actually the gift isn’t that important — we just want the wrapping paper to play with.
DON’T
- Disturb sleeping cats. That means: no kissing, toe touching or “snorgling.” How would you like it if you dreamed you won the lottery, and your cat chose just that moment to take a flying leap onto your stomach?
- Cook chicken without giving part or all of it to the cats.
- Expect your cat to take care of the rodent problem if you have one. We are not farm cats, we are housecats. Hunting is a sport for us and we choose what we consider prey. And if we do decide to hunt small, furry creatures, don’t complain when we gift you with their severed body parts. We are very nutritionally-minded and have discerned those particular parts contain nutrients that your diet currently lacks.
- Shut the door to the bathroom. What is up with you people and your weird modesty concerns? If you really need the door shut, at least install a cat door so we can come and go at will.
- Go on trips, ever. Just turn that suitcase into a cat bed, and we will be perfectly happy, okay?
Kitties, let me know if you have more to add to this list!
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Oh yeah! And how about, “Survunts are not allowed out, under any circumstances, without permission from the furred ones.”
OUTSTANDING list! Especially the points about the bathroom and the instructions “Do.Not.EVER.Travel.Again.” Seriously – what part of this do humans no unnerstand?!?!
You hit the nail right on the head! We must have Mom pretty well trained. The only things we haven’t managed is to get her to arrange her work and sleep hours how we want and to not take trips. We’re still working on those.
My cat is asking why did I go get that dog from SPCA. I am queen of the house. The bedroom is her room and don’t let that dog near me. I love your tips.
Judy
Thank Cod you are here to remind all us humans…
This list pretty much covers efurrything. Way to go, Sparkle!
Oh theese one is a good one…great work as always Sparkle! Please bold and highlight: Do not Disturb Sleeping Cats. My Human is very guilty of theese one…
Very sage advice Sparkle! Especially the very last Don’t! Beins should NEVER leave the house.
Sparkle, you’re hilarious! The list of don’ts were particularly funny. I laughed out loud at “we are very nutritionally minded.”
Mom is actually good at number 3 on the do not list as there is no rodents here and she lets me go after bugs. I will have to work with her on the other Don’t items.
Dear Sparkle,
Peoples must give cats when they leaves the house. Preferably in the places where they like to rest while peoples is not there to rest on AND peoples must give treats to the cats when they come home!
Me would add those to the list Sparkle.
Kisses
Nellie
Sparkle darling, YOU READ MY MIND! Especially with your don’ts. Don’t disturb the sleeping cat! Well, DUH! This happens efurry freaking day! Also, no TRIPS NO TRIPS effur! I mean, what are we supposed to do all day and night???
I will add one: Quit your freaking job and stay home with the kitty and devote yourself to working on the kitty’s blog. Would that be so damn hard?
*clap clap clap* I think all cat owners should be required to follow these rules. I think “feed the kitty when the kitty demands it. we don’t need you to tell us when we’re hungry.”
great job Sparkle!
I am going to print this out and make Mommie sign it! I totally agree with Scooby, Shaggy and Scout’s suggestion.
We think something should be said about diets. They are for hoomans, not cats! Otherwise, that is a great list.
Sparkle, we’re gonna print these out and leave them someplace where our mom will see them! She is definitely slacking in a number of areas! Now how do we work this printer thingey???
Don’t put odd things on our heads and take pictures while laughing your heads off.
We cats are sensitive creatures and any humiliation will be severely dealt with; ie: you better check your shoes before you put them on next time.
We’re going to show our mommy this list Sparkle! She already has left the big red box from her last trip out because we sleep on it. Of course it’s not because she’s too lazy to take it downstairs and put away.
I think I need to print out that list and post it on the ‘frigerator!
Our mum is pretty good on the Do’s but a disaster on the Don’ts apart from the rodent population. She wishes we wouldn’t catch as many outdoors and then bring them into show her. Worse still (according to her) she wishes we wouldn’t barf them up in the middle of the night.
Ha..Ha..Ha.. I love this post, Thanks to send her a big message !
I think she will get it right now
xoxo
Sparkle
every cat family needs to have this posted on the fridge for easy reference
purrs
>^,,^<
♥Abby♥Boo♥Ping♥Jinx♥Grace♥
Fantastic rules for those human beans! They break those rules far too frequently. When will they learn!! On a positive note, mom did buy some kitty treat soft chew sticks today which were nom nom tasty 🙂
I love it Sparkle! Although I thought I was a great kittymum until I read this list… then I realised I had failed on the number 1 DO: we’ve run out of cat treats *gasp*. I am hanging my head in shame
Don’t: EVER think we’re fat!
Do: Feed us on command!
You nailed it, Sparkle.
Excellent list. My peeps do surprisingly well. I’d add these 2 for my peeps. DO let your kitty bite and scratch you during play. DON’T throw out your kitty’s old toys and furniture. Throw out your own stuff.
Great list, Sparkle! We must have our mom trained pretty well, as she pretty much follows those do and don’t rules!
I must admit I’ve not had a bath or shower or even a pee by myself for probably the last twenty years – LOL!!! My cats have trained me well 🙂
Great list!!! Now to remind my human to keep up with the list.
(What is snorgling?)
To be honest, I am not sure, but it’s a word I see thrown around a lot on cat blogs. I think it means the human sticks her face in the unsuspecting cat’s belly fur.
I vote in favor of all of the above!!!
MomKatt says, “Who even bothers with the lint roller?”
Yer doin’ it right! MOL
PURRS!
Selina
Well, there are SOME Farm cats around who love to hunt rodents. (Harry)
Your cats are some sort of farm cat/ house (yurt) cat hybrid, so it’s only logical that at least one of them would be more active as a hunter. That said, the body part thing still goes.
Purrfect rules, we especially like to nap in clean clothes right out of the dryer!
~ Malachi
We find that taking a flying leap onto the bed as Mum’s getting in solves the problem of where we lay – she has one edge and needs to sleep with one foot on the floor so she doesn’t roll off!
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx
Maybe it’s just me, but I prefer the dirty laundry. So DO leave the basket of dirty laundry out and accessible for kitties to choose their prize (sock) or just let us roll in all of it.
To be honest, we prefer dirty laundry too. But clean also sounds pretty heavenly, especially in winter, when the clothes are fresh from the dryer.
I’m printing this off and giving it to my ooman to sign. She MUST abide by these rules.
Great list…..we gotta print out that part about the chicken and put it on the fridge for mom!
Excellent advice. Austin would add, don’t ever try and give your cat a pill unless you have complete body armour and life insurance. Belt and braces!
Excellent list. Can’t run that list too often. I think beans need a constant reminder of those points.
pawhugs, Max
Our #1 does pretty well on the Do list but fails a bit on the Don’ts, especially the bit about travelling. We’ll have to do something about her training… She also has a tendency to kiss us whilst we sleep (not that any of us actually mind…).
Purrs,
The Chans
OMC! We are gonna e-mail this list to mom STRAIGHT away! Fanks. MOL! xx
I want to add: DO allow your cat to inspect all drawers and closets. These places should never be off limits.
and DON’T change your sleeping habits so that they interfere with our feeding and other routines.
Those are excellent, Sparkle! Have a good week!