The year has barely started and I already have a stupid human-written cat story to complain about! This one appeared in the Huffington Post a couple of days ago and is called “Sorry, But Your Cat Is Actually A Total Jerk. It’s Just Science.” It proceeds to pull out a handful of biased, misinformed studies and twist around true cat facts in order to poke derisive fun of us kitties! I really hate it when humans do jerky things like this because it makes extra work for cats like me, who have to refute everything.
So here goes — I’m going to address just a few of this article’s many wrongs:
“Your cat hears you, but she won’t do what you tell her to.”
The scientific study the writer draws from leaves out several important facts, not the least of which is that we are paying attention to our human’s calls — we are just not replying vocally. It is not our fault that humans don’t understand the importance of subtle, non-verbal communication. And the part about knocking stuff off a table to get a human’s attention? Blame that on the humans for their inability to comprehend these other types of communication. It’s like the mother having to resort to yelling to get a kid’s attention. Consider that our version of yelling.
“Some cats actually hate the only thing they’re good for: cuddling.”
I find it insulting that some people think we cats are only good for cuddling when we do so many other more important things, like human supervision, guarding the house from vermin, adding beauty to homes, and showing humans that life can be fun and not to take everything so seriously! Some cats have even saved their humans lives by warning them about fires, or brought them help during a diabetic seizure. Yes, some of us cuddle and some of us don’t (and those that don’t still often lie next to or on top of our humans and purr at them), but that is certainly not the only thing we’re good for!
“Just because a cat rubs against you doesn’t mean it likes you.”
Yeah, so? And an act of marking is supposed to make us jerks? Humans have weird expectations.
“Your antisocial cat may not even be the smartest pet in your house.”
Let me quote the first sentence of this paragraph: “Dogs may be more intelligent than cats because they know how to make friends.” Then how do you explain all those socially awkward human geniuses? Social development and intelligence are not one and the same. If it were, the smartest people would all work in the hospitality industry and none of them would be scientists.
“One of your cat’s favorite ways to ‘kiss’ is through a distant gaze you probably don’t even know she’s giving.”
Whoa! This writer took a sincere feline sign of affection and called it jerky? Who’s the jerk here?
“Your love for cats could make you the butt of society’s jokes.”
Even the article’s author admits that this could be society being a jerk. ‘Nuff said.
“If you die alone with your cat, it won’t hesitate to eat you.”
Two words: Donner Party.
“Cats don’t give a damn about sugar and spice and all that’s nice.”
In other words, we don’t have the sugar taste receptors. Frankly, I know some humans who kind of wish they didn’t have that receptor either. And that makes neither them, nor us cats, jerks.
“Your cat makes you clean up toxic poop.”
Here is another bunch of bunk about the Toxoplasma gondii parasite. Let me make this perfectly clear: all humans who dig around in gardens expose themselves to this parasite constantly, cats or no cats. So stop blaming us for this thing already!
“Your cat cleans herself because she thinks you stink.”
If a human was hugged at length by another human — a sweaty one who hadn’t taken a bath in a couple of days — wouldn’t they want to bathe themselves too? Well, that’s what humans smell like to our highly sensitive feline nostrils. Case closed.
So can writers stop being jerks about us cats already?
The Royal cats says
This is pretty much obvious but still this human is a total idiot. The worst so far…
Thank YRH for giving them what for! I did, too, and I hope everyone else will as well.
Austin Towers says
Only just seen this, Sparkle! Thank you once again for setting the record straight!!
Andrea and the Celestial Kitties says
Oh my gosh, I saw that article and started to read it, but got so ticked off that I couldnt finish it! Wanna know who’s the real jerk? the author of the article!
You showed them!
Mark's Mews says
We are pleased to say that TBT does not read Huffington Post… And apparently with good reasons.
Karen Jo says
I will never understand some people’s need to pour forth hatred of cats. They are dear, sweet creatures full of love, though they may show it differently than people do. Good rebuttal, Sparkle
Excellent rebuttal Sparkle! You are such a smart kitty.
Well said Sparkle! Yous rebutted exceptionally well!
Sherri-Ellen T-D says
👿 What a jerk of a Hu’man to bee alloud to publish an artickle of such cwap!! Me iz furreeuss n me iz fuury angree Sparkle…
Me agreez wif all yer reebuttalz n me givez ya 2 pawz up!!! Well dun!
Oh N Mum sayz she will neber reed Huffy Post again ’cause dey all is jerky!
Me not a cuddler butt me lubz to snuggle n curl up in Mum’z lap…she tellz me how me keepz her happy…so to da jerly Hu’man, ‘NANNER NANNER NANNER!!”
Lub Nylablue xx
Feline Yogi says
Thanks for the fabulous rebuttal to this article Sparkle! My human and I saw this article the other day and both said “Sparkle needs to take on this one!”. You should have your human submit this to the writer at the HP and see if they are brave enough to print your reaction! Meow and Namaste~ Pippy the Feline Yogini
I’m in agreement with everyone-I hope this person doesn’t have any pets or anything else! Great and intelligent comebacks-thanks for posting reality.
Shaggy and Scout says
Must be from the doggy lover side of the fence.
Sue Brandes says
Idiot with a capital “I.” These kind of stories make me really upset that they even wrote them. I sure hope he has no animals or children too.
Amelia Hughes says
I agree with Glogirly! And I agree you, Sparkle, should be a writer for the HP!
Baby Tali says
Obviously that lady never had a kitty to loves..with her attitude I hope she never gets one..Yeah..someone is a jerk here but it is not a kitty..her loss.. 👿
Swami Zoe says
Thank you Sparkle for righting a wrong! Me-Ommmmmm
Maxwell, Faraday & Allie says
Even though our mom-slash-typist CANNOT spell properly for us. PHYSICIST. So there.
Maxwell, Faraday & Allie says
“…because they KNOW HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS?!?!” We wanna know what that writer’s IQ is, if that’s what he thinks constitutes a SMART being. Pffft. Uhm, BOTH our humans are total introverts and our dad’s a nuclear physicits, for REALZ.
HAH. We rest our case.
The Swiss Cats says
Some people write without knowing the subject about which they are writing, or try to be funny and just fail… Sigh… Silly humans… Purrs
Jobi and Fisher says
First of all, I will give you my take on stupid humans and their relationship with cats: If it is a guy, he is scared of cats. If it is a gal, she is green colored with jealousy.
Next thing I want to say is, “Sparkle! You should be writing for HP!”
Vlad & Barkly's Dee says
Renee Jacques http://www.huffingtonpost.com/renee-jacques/ needs a comedy article written about her, and her inability to recognize that she’s not funny. Unless it’s funny to some jerk-type men, and that was her goal–male attention from bad-boy sapiens that are jerks.
Cathy Keisha says
Tell it like it is, Sparkle!!! That is the most uninformed bunch of poop Iâ€™ve seen outside of a litter box. You need to respond to that article. CATS eat dead humans? Guess she never heard of Marie Provost.
Caren Gittleman says
it’s a shame to even give them more exposure by quoting and citing them on your blog……..the person is a MAJOR jerk but doesn’t need more promotion
Why do some humans feel the need to be negative about cats when they clearly don’t know anything about cats? We’re glad we have you to stand up for us Sparkle!
Madi and Mom says
MOL MOL MOL Sparkle my K9 friend Jack sent me at video showing a lady talking about this very thing.
I’ve been telling mom she has cooties now she believes me
Hugs madi your bfff
Famous SpokesGoat Pricilla says
There are just haters in the world Sparkle. Look at all those people trying to tote goats. I don’t understand this either….
Never trust anyone who doesn’t like cats.
That’s my motto.
Toby & Leia says
Humans are so often stupid! And this just proves it. Thank you, Miss S, for taking the time to refute her mean spirited idiocy.
Glogirly and Katie says
I just hope this “writer” doesn’t have pets.
HH and The Boys says
An excellent post Sparkle…. Thanks so much for taking on all that misinformation.
Have a great day.
Hugs, Bugsy and Knuckles
The Poupounette Gang says
So who’s the idiot who wrote this article?
Good grief – that is the dumbest article I’ve ever seen written about cats. The person who wrote it is an idiot! He obviously does not know cats nor has he ever had one. I would so like to make everyone who writes something nasty about cats be forced to move into our houses for a month to live with us and our cats! I think they would change their tune. Well, it’s a dream that will never happen, but that’s what I wish for.
Sparkle Cat says
Oddly enough, the author of this story is a female.
Kitties Blue says
We hate authors who like to call attention to themselves by writing negative things about cats. Chances are they have never enjoyed the company of a cat and know absolutely nothing about them from first-hand experience. A pox 👿 upon them, we say. They deserve it! Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo
I assumed that article was humor, hardly fact. From the title I thought you were going to rant about a recent article on Catster, I’m sure you know the one I mean. I won’t mention it by name because it should get no further attention. (So far it is running at 104 comments and none of them positive.)
Personally, Sparkle, I think you should petition the “Huffington Post” to allow you a full REBUTTAL! This is ignorance & stupidity at its height!
Sparkle Cat says
I agree. The Huffington Post needs a cat writer. As in a real cat who writes.
Layla Morgan Wilde (Cat Wisdom 101.com) says
They have one. Gwen Cooper is doing one with Prudence. By linking to Huffpo, you’re giving them extra traffic not that they need it, the piece went viral.
Sparkle Cat says
Um, isn’t Prudence a fictional kitty? I actually exist.
Hannah and Lucy says
What a shame that the cats are called jerks when the biggest jerks are generally human.
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx
Brian Frum says
Yep, unfortunately there are just idiots all over the place, but at least they readily identify themselves!
Random Felines says
once again proving you can’t fix stupid…but apparently you can get it published. ugh…
Katie Bella says
Why do men harass cats? Why do they hate them? I have long vmaintained that cats, male or female are feminine looking. Their softness and sweet lovely faces are reminiscent of human females in a manner of speaking. I think jerks like that hate human women period, end of paragraph.
Sparkle Cat says
Katie, you are not going to believe this, but the writer of this piece is a woman!
feeling beachie says
what an idiot!
When I saw it was Huffington Post I knew who the jerk was going to be. We have AOL as our ISP and they get their news from HP. Mum never even bothers to read it because she knows it will be a load of b*ll s**t.
Whoever wrote that article is the total Jerk of all times. What is wrong with someone like that. But great answers Sparkle. Bet he or she is a very unhappy person.
Sometimes, Cats Herd You says
Peeps sure can be the biggest jerks of all. *sigh*
Georgia and Julie says
Thank you Sparkle for once again proving who the jerk really is here,
that stupid writer! Probably does not even live with a cat as no cat would have her 😉
We have standards too!
Purrs Georgia and Julie,
and Angels Tiger and Tillie
The Kitties of Purring Pines says
So many hoomans are IDIOTS!!!!!