Cats have a love language that’s very different from a human’s love language, or a dog’s. And for those who haven’t grown up with cats, it may take some getting used to.
Cats say I love you in quiet, subtle ways. Sometimes very subtle. Here are some examples.
They are in the room with you.
Yes, the very presence of your cat in the same room as you is an expression of love. It shows they feel safe around you and enjoy just holding space nearby. If you’ve ever lived with a semi-feral cat who was scared and untrusting when you first brought them home, you’ll know how huge this is. But really, it’s always a big deal.
Greeting you with a tailed held high.
Tails up means happy cats. And if your cat’s tail curls at the tip like a question mark, that’s even better. It’s a sign of friendship and affection.
Joining you on the bed, even after you’re already asleep.
Your cat may not feel the need to go to bed at the same time as you, but if you wake up and they’re there, next to you, it’s a signal that they enjoy being close to you.
Sleeping on your clothes.
We cats are very scent oriented creatures. Sleeping on your clothes means your smell is comforting to us.
Head bonking.
The technical term for it is bunting and it’s something cats do to each other as a sign of affection and to intermingle scents. So it’s a high complement when they do it to you. Rubbing against your legs does the same thing.
Grooming you.
This is another intimate way for cats to intermingle scents with one another, and with humans who they love.
Slow blinking.
Almost everyone who loves cats knows about this one by now. Nothing says I love you more than a cat giving you a slow blink from across the room.
As you can see, cats have lots of ways to express their love for you! We may be even more affectionate than you realize. And of course you want to say I love you back to them. But humans have a habit of overdoing it, or doing it in a way that upsets their cats. So here are some ways you shouldn’t say I love you to your cat.
Picking them up.
Most cats don’t like being picked up. As a predator that is also prey, we have a need to feel in control. Holding a cat takes away their control and even if they tolerate it, it’s stressful and they are just hanging on until you put them back down.
Cuddling.
Sorry about this, but many cats don’t like cuddling! For the same reasons as being picked up. Some cats will like it, but it’s an uncomfortable lack of control for the rest of them. (Even I’m not fond of cuddling, although I tolerate it from my therapy pet patients.) Cats really need their space respected to feel safe and loved. If you really feel you need to cuddle your cat, do it just briefly and don’t cling.
Tummy rubbing.
Yes, some cats do enjoy it, and I am one of them. But cats generally don’t expose their tummies to be touched. They do it as a sign of trust, showing off their most vulnerable side. So touching a cat’s tummy when they don’t want it is actually a betrayal of that trust.
So how can you say I love you back to your cat? Cheek and chin scritches are always a very welcome way to do that. More elaborate petting will vary from cat to cat, so just let them set the boundaries. Food and playtime are always a good idea! But best of all is just holding space with your cats, allowing them to solicit attention and love from you first. That’s possibly the greatest expression of love and respect and one your cat will appreciate most.
Other posts you’ll enjoy:
- My Human Is My BFF – What’s Your Cat-Human Relationship?
- How to Bond With Your Cat – 8 Tips
- How to Make a Cat Fall in Love With You
Suzy coon-girl does not like being picked up, though doesn’t protest. She comes to get snuggled for about 15 minutes at a sitting about every other day. But, she always wants to be in same room as me, and watches me like a hawk. Have to say that routine is purrfect for me. She is such a cool girl.
How I missed this one back in ’22 I don’t know. I’m sending it to a loved friend who is not too sure of these this with semi ferals.
Ava loves having her tummy rubbed. So did Gracie and Moosey! 🙂
Great blog Summer. Neither of my cats like being picked up. My Rosie is a love bug. She’d be glued to me 24/7 if I let her. She sleeps in my head/neck/face. The two later not so pleasant for me. She follows me like a dog. Just wanting attention. Princess is more subtle. Things are on her terms. However, they both love tummy rubs. Like people, cats all have their own unique personality. Yes some things are universal to most cats but I’ve had known many, many cats. Never met two exactly the same
I actually like my tummy rubbed…but don’t like being picked up.
This is very good info, Summer.
Love this! Mudpie does every single one of these things.
I am still waiting for my 3 ferals to do the first one. 🙂 All my other cats love me though. 🙂 XO
My boys did all of those things and also both loved tummy rubs.
Excellent advice….as usual. There was a cat in our extended family
that might “show” you his belly as you approached but certainly
didn’t want you to touch. I found this confusing as the “showing”
seemed to be an invitation. You got the claws if you touched! Seemed
like a “trap” to me.
All of our kitties love brushing so we say I love you and brush on request!
As a test, I purposely went upstairs, to see if Sydney would eventually come up. She did! And, I often go to sleep, and wake up, finding Syd-Chan on my chest, or between my legs, purring loudly!
i am not a cuddler but i do lubz tummy rubz alot an i do sleep with da mum often but not much win it iz hot hot hot. i will sit next to mum on da sofa
I am a pretty easy going cat. From day 1 when I was alone outdoors looking for a home and mum
took me in I decided that she is mine! I am pretty cool with all of the above because I like to hang out with her and she does not over do things .
I love belly rubs, scitches and getting brushed too!
Purrs, Julie
Mom calls Noelle “The Girl With A Curl” because she holds her tail up high with a curl at the end!! Raz and Reesie both love tummy rubs.
Both Manny and Chili Bruce welcome tummy rubs, when they are mostly asleep!
Don’t even think about it with Sweetie: her murder mitts are fast.
Good info here, Summer…thanks.
Every single Aby who has graced the Poupounette (seven to date) has loved tummy rubs! Maybe it’s a breed thing? Benny doesn’t mind either and Momo is still a bit young to give an informed opinion.
Purrs,
The Chans
Tylan is one of those rare cats who loves tummy rubs – he demands them, actually.