I am about to divulge the biggest secret of all kitty-kind. It is the answer that you humans have been seeking since time immemorial. Because if I know you humans and you kitties, I’ll wager that the latter rarely seems to do what the former wants. In fact, when a cat does do what a human wants, it is usually so surprising to the human that it gives them a rush of pleasure. Before I go on, I do want to point out that if you follow what I am about to tell you, you risk losing that special rush. So if you would rather have fleeting moments of extreme ecstasy (wedged between deep valleys of frustration) instead of a lower-grade, all-the-time bliss, then you may want to skip this blog post.
Still here? I figured you would be. You humans are too curious for your own good. But still, I am ready to reveal the big truth of making your cat do what you want, every time, all the time. It will change your life, and I am serious about that. Ready? Here it is:
To make a cat do what you want, you must want exactly what your cat wants.
When you enjoin your heart’s desire with your cat’s desire, only then will your cat do exactly what you want her to do. Because cats will only ever do what they want to do. And the only way you humans can make that work for you all the time is to want the same thing.
So does your cat want treats? Give him treats. Does she want to counter surf? You want her to do that too. Do your kittens want to turn your linen curtains into beautiful strands of handmade lace? Appreciate this gift!
The path to eternal happiness with your kitties is very simple. But it is not a path everyone can make. Kitties, do you think your human is up to this spiritual challenge? Or do they lack the serenity and mental discipline to accomplish this journey of feline discovery?
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Dang, Sparkle was super smart!
I don’t know if this is going to work with Wubbikins but as always you give great advice Sparkle!
We just found ur blog today and we are glad that we did. Our Mom thinkz we are really spoiled itz about time that somebody set her straight. The Katz are in charge. Shelly Kat has the hoomaz wrapped around her paw. Mom calls her a “diva” but we likez to watch the hoomanz jump when she meows. We luv how good she has trained them. Love, Cali, Andy, Tater and Shelly (C.A.T.S)
Our humans are lacking in every way possible, so this isn’t going to happen. And since they are never going to want us to throw up on the rug, bed or any place else for that matter, they will just have to be content with us doing exactly as we please. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo
Some Excellent Suggestions!
I am going to put them to work on Dad TODAY
Timmy
Having a well trained human, well domesticated, is a daily challenge. Once the domesticated human has understood that it’s all about the kitty and is able to think “kitty first”, it’s easy. But you, cats, have to train your human every day.
Oh I love this ‘blog’…only speaks the truth!!humans just have to go, ‘along’ with us and all’s well with the world. 😛
I always thought if you want an animal to do what you want then get a dog. You have to love a cat’s unique personality to have one around.
So, I how do I convince my kitty that he doesn’t want to sleep on the good furniture in the living room? I’d be all in agreement with that idea.
Uh, Lin… you have it backwards – you are supposed to WANT him there! Because that is what he wants. I see you need some work.
Well you folks are brilliant over here, what can I say! (Thanks for your thoughtful comment about our Angel Inka.)
If the human wants the kitty to do what the kitty wants to do, they won’t be disappointed. Its all in the expectations!
TW definitely lacks the discipline to do anything, especially that. She’s rather whine that I don’t do what she wants and that I do things deliberately to upset/annoy her. Pffttt!
Our Mom fights against the tide. She needs to hear this message and see the light. Maybe we can get it recorded and play it into her ears all night long.
I will make sure my human studies this article in depth as I want to assist her on her spiritual journey. She’s always up for a spiritual challenge but whether or not she succeeds is a whole different story. Meow and Namaste! ~ Pippy the Feline Yogini
We have our mommy very well trained!
Must say, you scared us for a moment with the title of this post. Whewwwwwwww.
Hiding to nothing here. The Staff was kicked out of Religious Education at school and the only plane she reached was the Boeing 737 to Paris 20 years ago!!
Counter surfing – Aaaah I can dream – they haven’t worked out how I get up near the ceiling on the cupboard tops tho’ MOL!!.
Dad whips me off the counter sharpish! but we DO get more treats than a cat can eat, and a constant supply of Nutro and Royal Canin Exigent (super fussy eater variety).
Miranda
Yeah, we have TBT pretty well trained (those cats-who-came-before helped a lot). But he is still stubborn about a FEW things so we have more werk ta DO…
We thought you were going to say to do the opposite of what you want, so it’ll be what your cat wants! Your advice makes purrfect sense though.
That makes total sense to me Sparkle!
Excellent advice!!! ALL true.
Sparkle your brilliance astounds me. I admit that I was a little worried about that title because I did not think you could deliver but you did!
My mom-person is very well trained !
I wawe with my paw and voila I get treats in my mouth
XOXO
Luckily, our peeps are fairly bright! They picked up on “The Program” pretty easily, thank Cod.
Amazing advice Miss Sparkle.. 💡
Questions from my human: “but how do I know?! Is there a Rosetta Stone for kitty language?”
I’m giving up!
So very true! As always, most excellent advice, Miss S. Our Mom is pretty well trained in this area.
Excellent information, Sparkle! We still could use tips on motivating our human, though. We think she’s lazy. She calls it BUSY. Pfffft! 😉
I read the title and thought “no! It can’t be done!” but I see you’ve found a way. Fabulous. Excellent advice. – Crepes.
You’re always so wise! We’ve got mom about half trained. She’s still a little stingy with the treats.
Wow this is a great advise! I think I’m doing pretty well, though 🙂
You are very wise!
For the most part, we have control over Mom.
We do as we please and lucky for Mom we are not all that bad 😉
Heehee
Purrs Tillie and Georgia,
Treasure,Tiger, JJ and Julie
I would have to agree with you Sparkle, that is sage advice! Do you know that one of my favorite and OLD cat advice books was written by Warren Eckstein and I believe it was called “How to get your cat to do what you want” I believe that was the name!
My human got that book back in the 1990s too! She has met Warren Eckstein a couple of times since he is local and made appearances at Pet Expos a few times around here.
brilliant post !!!!the truth is now known???thank Ceiling Cat my humans fully understand this truth. This was a very enlightening post Sparkle and brought me and my humans to an even closer bound of mutual goals…heh…heh
OH SPARKLE YOU ARE SO RIGHT. DOGS PLEASE THEIR OWNERS, CATS ARE WAITING TO BE PLEASED BY THEIR SERVANTS.
hUGS mADI YOUR BFFF
It’s so easy, isn’t it, Sparkle? Why can’t the humans understand that?
We definitely have our Person trained to the hilt. The furniture is all just skeletons, and just in general we do what ever we please. She only says bad words every now and then. She knows she is outnumbered.
Have a good day.
Meowma is doomed to be a miserable woman her whole life. We just cannot make her want us to counter surf, let her sleep after 5:00 a.m. or let house plants survive more than a few hours. But we keep trying. 😉
Jasmine, Joey, Eddie and Rosie
It’s good to know that we’re training our human in the right way.
We’ve got our mommy pretty much under our paws! Have a good week.
Oh yes, my mum is well-trained 🙂
We have got our Mum pretty well trained but of course we do lots of refresher courses for her to keep her on her toes.
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx