Humans! Are you having trouble attracting kitties? Does it seem like you are doing all the chasing, and you get nothing in return but rejection and the back of disrespect? Do cats head under the bed the moment they see you? Do they sit on top of the refrigerator and eye you with suspicion? Would you do anything to have a chance to touch a cat’s soft fur, or maybe even hear the blissful sound of purring?
Chances are the things you are doing to attract a cat are having exactly the opposite effect. It’s not just you — millions of humans make the very same mistakes every single day. They go searching for a cat’s affection — and return sad and empty-handed, never knowing where it all went so wrong.
That’s where I come in. Being a cat, I’ve observed humans as they turn themselves inside out trying to win the love of a feline, only to have their advances summarily rebuffed. It’s a sad thing to see, and totally avoidable… if you humans only understood a kitty’s love language. And I am here to help you.
You see, a cat’s love language is different from a human’s way of communicating love. And when humans try to win a cat’s love the same way they would try with another human, they fail miserably. The only way you will win a cat’s love is by learning how to speak a cat’s love language. I can’t give up all kitty love language secrets in just one blog post, but here are some important tips to get you started.
- Let the cat make the first move. Whether it is a cat you have known for a long time, or a complete stranger, cats always want to be the one to decide whether they want to connect. So much attention is put on cats being predators, and their skill at catching mice and birds, that humans often forget they are also prey animals. You are a lot bigger than a cat, so being forward sparks their prey instinct and makes them want to run from you.
- Make the proper introductions. Even the friendliest cat will be happier if you follow the correct feline protocol when you meet. Cats form opinions on humans early on, and the closer you stick to their rules, the better relationship you will have in the long run.
- The eyes have it. Before you even come within a few feet of a cat, the way you look at her will determine whether she decides to go forward or turn away. I know you love gazing at a cat’s eternal beauty, but never, ever stare at a cat. Once again, that sparks the prey instinct and makes her want to run. Or it could even trigger aggression, if the cat is feeling territorial. What you should do is what many people call “the slow blink.” Briefly look into the cat’s eyes, and make a slow, deliberate blink — then immediately look down and away. It’s a greeting that meant to be non-threatening. It will help to put all but the most nervous cats at ease.
- Offer your hand, but don’t pet the cat. If the cat has continued to stay nearby, you may hold your hand out. But let the cat approach your hand and decide to make any contact. If she wants to be friendly, she will rub her face against your fingers. Cats like to take the lead in the relationship, so let them. Especially in the beginning.
- Choose the spots to pet a cat carefully. If the cat allows your new friendship to go further, you may pet the sides of her face, under her chin, and from her forehead down her back. Be gentle but use firm strokes. No patting. Most cats don’t like patting early on in a relationship.
- Play with the cat. Some cats may shy away from human touch, but will play with you, if you use an interactive toy that keeps a distance between the two of you. That way, she can have fun while not having to get too close. If you use frequent playtime with a cat that refuses to come near you, you may be surprised at how eager she becomes when she sees you!
- Always give the cat space. Cats like to be in control, so the more space you give her, the more she will appreciate you. Letting her choose the amount of closeness you two have, and the length of time you spend together will build trust. And trust is the key to a good feline-human relationship.
- When all else fails, use treats. I recommend fried chicken. Yeah, cats want control, space and all that… but they aren’t immune to a good snack! True, it won’t necessarily build a longterm, quality relationship, but it will work if you want a temporary kitty fix.
I hope my suggestions help you out, and you find the kitty love you’ve been searching for!
I knew about the slow blink but didn’t know about looking down and away.
Super advice!
Good advice, Summer!
Most excellent advice Summer!
Purrs
Marv
Good refresher for even experienced cat peeps.
It’s excellent to point out how cats want to be approached. It can be easy to forget cats are different than dogs or humans. I think this is why cats can be misunderstood which is a shame for such loving animals who can make some of the very best friends.
Super advkce, Summer Samba.
Purrfect artickell Summer!! LadyMew has bin following yore inn-structionss since Febbyary an wee are so frry close now…mee furgot to commint a while ago….an reememburred when mee saw yore post!
An yore rite; mee doess NOT like beein ‘patted’…Mee DOSS like beein stroked. An LadyMew an mee do ‘slo blinkss’ all THE time…shee calls them ‘kissey eyess’!
***purrsss*** BellaDharma
Great advice, Summer ! Purrs
What great advice, Summer! Lexy needs to be approached on her own terms, and our mom learned what those are. She respects them and doesn’t take it personally anymore. She also tells visitors not to pet her belly even if she rolls over and shows it. She hates that. I just love people! Once visitors are settled in I always come out and sit on their lap. And give ample kisses!
Great advice!
Summer, this was a terrific post with an abundance of good advice. XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy and Sawyer
Summer, you are funny! Your human takes great pictures!!
Summer, this is excellent advice. Mom instinctively followed it. But with me…I swarmed all over her when I met her and every second thereafter. That is unusual, we both of us know..me and mom.
Another one I like because I wear glasses is Jackson Galaxy’s tip of letting the cat smell your glasses earpiece.
Great advice Summer, but I’m the cat whisperer lol. Kitties of all varieties, ages, life style etc. doesn;t matter
Agree.
Good advice, Summer. Everyone should be so lucky to be loved by a cat.
Excellent advice Summer- especially the treats 🙂 Works every time.
Summer, you nailed it with those suggestions.
Such good advice, Summer. And we especially like the one about fried chicken!
Good advice! I have a dog. I say “hello, dog,” and she smiles and wiggles. But she is a dog. That is what they do.
You are so smart, Summer! I knew (and have used) some of these tips, but others I’m looking forward to putting into practice!
Awesome tips! The eye thing is key. Most of us get excited and open our eyes wide when we see a kitty, that’s aggressive to them, the half lidded thing will serve you better!
Sizzle sends love to his 1/2 sister ❤.
That last tip is the best. The way to a cat’s heart is through her stomach. I love when peeps put out their hand to me. I sniff it and then bite it. Ax Meowmeowmans. HAH! TW has a way with cats that they just come to her—except me.
Awesome! Finally, some simple steps to help folks connect with felines. I’m sharing this and keeping it as a fave page for reference – thanks!
Oh yes, fried chicken is a great help. 🙂
I think this is my new favorite post by you, Summer!
This teaches us to REALLY appreciate when we have instant magic with our new cats.
My first cat Zuzu was a Ragdoll, who on her first night home with us, jumped right on my bed, purring loudly!
Sydney leaped out of her box when we brought her home, and she spent the rest of the day looking around the house, curiously and cutely. Then that very first night, walking around, on her own accord, she jumped up and slept on my bed! Within one month, she was climbing up on top of my chest, and kneading my neck (her favorite place to knead me, along with the region right BELOW my kneecaps)! This means that she likes you, trusts you, and feels safe in your arms!
You were definitely doing something right as far as not being threatening and being totally open to new fur babies. Some cats take more persuasion depending on their previous circumstances. In this case you handled it perfectly!
These are some really good helpful ideas. Mom didn’t know about a few of them. This will most definitely come in handy with the new kitties mom comes into contact with. Thanks so much Summer! Purrs
Good advice=especially about chicken, we like chicken!…Happy weekend ahead, sweet girl!…XO…J, Halle, Sukki
WE think that our #1 has learned her lessons well!
Purrs,
Tama and Genji
Yes indeed, those things really do work sweet Summer!
mom tells people this all the time when they come into the rescue to adopt – sit quietly and let the cat choose you
Our Angel has been with us for almost 15 years, and she is more standoffish today than ever! i look at photos taken years ago, and she seemed more content in her human’s presence back then. Maybe all the attention that Chuck got for years, due to his illness, made her prefer to stay on the outside of things. I sit with her quietly every night before bed; not reaching, not petting, just making quiet comments to her. I love her so, as she is.
I knew most of this but not all. Thank you
for the instructions and reminders oh wise
Summer cat.
This is all very good advice, Summer.
I know better … but even I get caught up in that dynamic. It doesn’t help that I always choose the most reserved, most scared or unsure and least enthusiastic cat. I always swear they’ll like me if I get the chance. But cats want to be loved on their own terms and it’s one of the things that makes them so wonderful.
Very good advice for humans Summer 🙂
Purrs Georgia,Julie and JJ
Superb advice. Even experienced cat people need gentle reminders.
Great advice Summer!!!!