One of the biggest mistakes people make with their cats is doing things to them that they do.not.want. If you are wondering why a cat is aloof or hides when people come over, it’s because they’ve learned that humans don’t understand consent.
The concept of consent is already being applied to dog training (Google dogs and “cooperative care,” if you are interested). The odd thing is that this has not become an established approach in the world of cats. Because cats want consent and cooperative care even more than dogs do.
Like all creatures, cats need to feel safe. And for cats, that sense of security doesn’t mean having the human attend to their every need (although that, admittedly, is nice!). To truly feel safe, a cat needs to feel in control. Not necessarily of the whole house they live in, but in control of their being, control of their destiny.
So many cat interactions with humans are the diametric opposite of that. They get held against their will. They get chased around the house and stuffed into carriers. People continue to pet them, even though it’s clear they haven’t given permission, or they’ve given signals they’ve had enough. A cat that acts out or behaves defensively does so because they feel they are not in control. Think of situations where a cat hissed, whapped, or hid from humans. You’ll see that I’m right.
To have a really full and happy relationship with your cat, make them a team member in their daily life and care. And by team member, I mean they are the head of the team and you are the helper.
Learn your cat’s signals when it comes to being petted and held. Once you know them, it’s actually better to stop before they signal to you. That way, they can choose to continue, and it gives them a sense of control.
Understand your cat’s preferences in toys, meal routines, and daily activities. Giving them what they want gives them a feeling of security. If your cat believes that you are listening to their wants and needs (the two are tightly intertwined), they will trust you more.
If possible, train your cat from the start that the carrier is not something scary. A cat is usually forced into a carrier (sometimes after being chased around the house), and taken somewhere that they are handled in ways that are frightening and sometimes painful. So make the carrier, and being in it, something that earns rewards and offers adventures that don’t involve the vet. This lessens the trauma.
You know another thing that lessens the trauma of veterinary visits? Building that overall relationship of trust and consent with your cat. The reason I can do events and therapy cat visits is because I trust my human implicitly. I know she will keep me safe. To be honest, I don’t like the vet any more than any other cat! I mean, that thermometer! But I know my human has my back so even though it might be temporarily uncomfortable, I’ll be okay.
Consent. It’s one of the most important parts of a cat-human relationship.
This post was inspired by a recent article in Psychology Today. You can read it here — it has some good tips about the carrier!
Other posts you’ll enjoy:
- Five Ways You Damage Your Bond With Your Cat (and What to Do Instead)
- My Human Is My BFF – What’s Your Cat-Human Relationship?
- The Cat-Human Bond Is Deeper Than You May Think
Xcellent post Summer!
BellaSita Mum iss purrty guud at reedin mee body language. Plus once shee found out mee was semi-feral an had been neglected an pawssibly abused, shee treeted mee well, diffyrent.
Reememburr ‘angel’ Unkell Siddhartha was 5 monthss old when shee dopted him….mee was 5 YEERSS old an that makess a BIG diffyrence. Mee had 5 yeerss of sadss an badss…..
It tooked alot of time, butt mee an BellaSita werked thingss out an now wee get along so well. An she STILL bringss mee brekkie an suppurr inn bed!!! 😉
Hu’manss can bee amazin can’t they Summer???
~~head rubss~~BellaDharma~~ an {{hugss}} BellaSita Mum
Sometimes, when I bury my nose in Sydney’s fur, she slaps me in the face!
Once again, you are SO on point, Summer!
This is all so true. I think that’s why cats can be so misunderstood. When they act out it’s because they’re mean. I had a calico that only liked me and my mom. When I lived with my sister, her small grandchildren would come bounding in and go for her. Then they’re like “she bit me, she’s mean”. Then I’d ask, what did you do? Answer, grabbed her tail. I find it hard having to do things they don’t particularly love. Like ear cleaning, teeth brushing, nail clipping. But, I’ve learned the proper approach with soft tones and gentle hands. A bag of treats nearby is always a plus mol. They get praised and a few treats for enduring the ordeal. Cats are very sensitive creatures who deserve kindness and respect, always
No one holds or pets me unless I say “yes” or they will feel my teeth. I’m in control. I feel sorry for cats that don’t do this.
Wonderful advice. I wish my ferals would trust me.
Yep. Uh-huh. But the problem, probably the people who need to know
this will never see this. Real cat people have probably already discovered
these facts. If not, they aren’t paying attention.
This is kind of a tangent off of your post, but I can definitely tell the difference in the behavior of Ellie Mae vs Latte. Ellie Mae trusts me to have her back (like Bear did); yeah, they might have gotten scared, but it was manageable. But Latte is definitely more fearful because she’s not at the point of having that confidence yet.
This is really good advice. Most humans do not realize this!! Thank you!
Summer, this is a very good post.
Humans that take the time to get to know us and make us feel comfortable
will be rewarded by our affection. Some cats will never like the carrier, but
with time ,encouragement and maybe a reward , it will be less stressful.
I am not crazy about the carrier, but I don’t fight it either. I am OK as long as mum is close by.
Purrs, Julie