Earlier this week, my human saw a post from our friend Ingrid King over at the Conscious Cat. Titled “Does Your Cat Reflect Your Personality,” it focused on a study that compared cat-human relationships (and cat wellbeing) to parent-child relationships. But what mainly interested Ingrid — and my human — was something that wasn’t even in the study: that there are studies that show a link between human stress and cat health.
It’s true, we cats are emotional sponges, and we react to whatever energy you give off. Think about how you feel when you take your cat to the vet. Chances are you are anxious, and worried. You’re afraid your cat is going to give you problems getting into the carrier. You’re concerned that the vet and staff will stress out your cat. What if they find something is horribly wrong with your cat? Well, your cat is absorbing all these negative feelings! So no wonder she doesn’t want to go in that carrier, and no wonder she panics at the vet clinic. If she already had a predilection towards being a nervous patient before you adopted her, her emotions are going to be amplified if you’re upset too.
Trips to the vet clinic are the most obvious examples of human emotions affecting cats, but it’s something that happens every day in dozens of small ways. The way you respond to feline misbehavior, litter box usage, habits such as scratching, and even fun activities like playtime not only define your relationship with your cat — they help shape your cat’s ever-developing personality. Humans and cats aren’t static. We are all constantly changing, either for the better… or not for the better.
So what can you do to both improve your relationship with your cat, and help your cat be happier, calmer and more well adjusted? Become an observer of human behavior — your own, that is. The more you are aware of how you act, react and respond to your cat, or even around your cat, the more you will understand what your cat is absorbing from you. And if you change some of that, chances are you will also change some of your cat’s behavior. Here are some suggestions.
1. Banish worry. Worry is one of the most useless human behaviors ever. Obsessing over something and creating worst-case scenarios in your mind only creates stress… and stresses out your cat. It doesn’t actually solve problems. Find solutions to problems that are bothering you, and let go. Recognize that solutions will either work or they won’t, and if they don’t, you will have to try something else. Worry is passive and negative for both you and your cat. Be proactive instead.
2. Take a few deep breaths before reacting to cat behavior that bothers you. If you instantly start raising your voice, getting mad, or being upset, you will confuse and scare your cat, who probably doesn’t understand what is going on. Instead, breathe! Pause to think about why your cat is behaving the way she is. What can be changed to create a different result? Again, be proactive, and in this case, don’t be reactive.
3. Accept your cat for who she is, right now at this very moment. Even if there are things about her you want to change. Maybe you want her to be less nervous, stop misbehaving, or be more outgoing. Fine, but accept her behavior right now. If you are coming from a place of love, and not one of worry or anger, you’ll stop trying to force her to change, which will never work. Instead, look at yourself and the environment around your cat. Unless she has a physical or neurological problem affecting her behavior, it’s the things outside of your cat that need to be modified to encourage her to change.
4. Find your own sense of inner calm. Learn how to meditate. Focus on the small, beautiful things that give you a sense of peace. Listen to music that makes you happy, a lot. Learn how to carry this sense of wellbeing with you throughout the day. The more you can do this, the calmer your cat will be (and the people around you, too).
5. You may think this one is funny, but it’s actually quite practical: talk to your cat like she is a reasonable adult human being. Sure, a lot of people like to talk baby talk to their cats, and of course you can continue to do that. But every so often, sit down with your cat, and discuss how you want to help her be the best cat she can be. Ask what you can do to help her. Explain why some of her behavior is upsetting you. Do all this calmly and without getting emotional about it. Just matter of factly say all of it to your cat. Pet her while your saying it, if you want and she lets you. Doing this helps put things in perspective, and establishes a dialogue that is not fraught with emotion. You’ll feel better, and you cat will feel better not being faced with a whirlwind of feelings. Then you can go back to baby talk or whatever silly repartee you normally have with her.
Here’s a bonus tip that my human uses with me all the time: if something happens that is beyond your control, do something to distract your cat. If there is thunder outside, instead of worrying about it scaring your cat, give out her very favorite treats, or take her to your quietest room and play with her. Worrying about your cat being scared actually makes her more scared.
My human has actually gotten pretty good with this. Recently she was taking some photos of me, and one of the lights she had set up started to fall. She caught the light with one hand and tossed me a treat with the other! Even though I was startled at first, when I saw the treat — and that my human wasn’t freaking out — I totally forgot about the light. Once my human set it up better, we were able to continue our photo session without a hitch.
I hope some of this helps you and your cat have a better, more relaxed relationship!
Summer you are wise beyond your years……these are super tips for every human who is lucky enough to have a kitty in their lives. If humans are stressed out – we know it….if they are happy or sad – we know it…..if they’re SCARED – we feel it. We’re barometers of emotion! It took my Mom a few years to figure this out so I hope everyone listens to your wise words dear Summer.
Hugs, Teddy
Meow meow Summer an Miss Janiss what a furabuluss post!!! You have helped LadyMew as has Miss Ingrid….mee play aggression iss all most gone butt mee doess have brush aggression so wee werkin on that! An you know what?
LadyMew DOES meow to mee like mee iss a Hu’Man….it iss so kewl. Mee now knows ‘angel’ Unkell Siddhartha scared her so badlee when mee iss even a bit aggressive shee panickss. So mee tryin to bee nicer….
Thanx again!
**purrsss** BellaDharma
An excellent and useable article, Summer and one that is needed. Especially taking to us as adults for problem solving and lessening of stress, and knowing that our pawrents do take in baby talk to us. (I wonder why they do that? Mom does, all the time).
This is great advice, Summer. We do a number of these things, especially with kitties at the shelter. 🙂
Ayla here, but as eldest, I’m speaking for all of us. We agree with all your observations. And so we are pretty lucky to have TBT here. He is pretty relaxed generally, talks to us , listens for tone and pitch when we talk to him, is sensitive to signs of anxiety, recognizes that sudden noises (inside or out) disturb us, detects when we are bored from a day of rainy weather, weighs us weekly to make sure we are eating right, and he even knows where we hide differently when we are feeling grouchy or just want to be alone.
Sometimes when we are all gathered around him* (Marley on the back of the chair, Iza on his lap, and me sitting on the ottoman – or some variation of that) he talks to us about The Cats Who Came Before. Some of it is sad, but most of it is good. Mostly though, it tells us that he has been learning about us cats most of his life. And Beins dont get that just by having us around as decorations. He pays attention to us and tries to understand us (as we also try to unnerstand him).
Summer, I was thinking about you and your mom recently, as I read, “The Trainable Cat” book. Now, we know that humans can be trained, but not cats, but habituating is really the correct term. It’s not an easy book to slog through, but I hope to glean some information to make all of the Eastside Cats feel purrfectly at home!
Good advice. I have a bit of experience with nervous cats. With Floki, I have learned we can’t make him do something. We have to get him to want to do it.
Telling TW to be calm and not stress is like telling her to love Trump. Neither is happening. If she didn’t stress, she’d be dead. I actually like when TW yells at me and comes after me. I think it’s a game and I’m glad to get some extra attention. When I bite her and she stays calm, I’m disappointed.
Those are some pretty handy tips, Summer!
We need to show this to the mom.
Wow, does this post ever hit home for me! There have been so many times when I feel like I stress Mudpie out because I’m always so stressed out myself. She’s a perfect little angel and doesn’t act out, on the other hand/paw, she withdraws from me when I get overly anxious about things. I hate it when my happy little Mudpie loses her joy because I can’t find my own. I’m printing this post out as a reminder of what I need to work on, for both of our benefits.
Very well thought out, beautifully written and useful. Thank you Summer!
This is so true Summer. We know moms and dads try their best. This is a great post to help our humans. Mom say’s she going to start talking to us about our problems from now on. She always talks to us but never thought about addressing particular issues. Thank you for such an insightful post Summer. Purrs
Great post Summer- I see another certificate of excellence in your future.
Whenever my husband complains about the cats I have to remind him “They are cats, they do cat stuff, get over it”. You just can’t get bent out of shape for cats being cats…and then blaming them for it –
I know a cat, who’s a little more aggressive. Her human did the “index and middle fingers together,” tapped her cat, and said to the cat, “Mama Cat says No…No…..No…” And, on the third “No,” the cat grabbed her human fingers, with a two-handed grab! (and a bite, too)
Excellent advice. Actually, the same advice can
be used when dealing with anyone- animal or
human.
number 3 is a big one around it – it has been a huge adjustment having Chanel – who sees the world SO very differently – and now having Goldfish – who is learning to “cat” from Chanel. But take a step back and realizing that they are just being “who they are” is a huge thing
Those are all so true sweet Summer and those tips are purrfect for everyone!
Oh my gosh, this is such a good post! And so true! Our mom could NEVER figure out how I knew I was going to the vet, and why I would go under the bed right before I had to get in the carrier. Will told her that she must be doing something to let me know. And she was! She was a nervous wreck and I was picking up on her nervous energy. I’m ashamed to admit that she changed her behavior and the last few times I got stuffed on the carrier just like that! And our mom talks to us all the time like we’re people. And we love it!
I always used to try and keep calm with Eric and Flynn and would have conversations with them every day. Yes, they did answer me with their actions and expressions.
When our cats are unwell I try hard to be ‘normal’ because they pick up on stress. It was tough as Peanut started to fade but we did our best to pretend everything was fine. Tough on us but made her life easier.
This is a great post.WE agree that how humans react affects how we kitties act.
Mum talks to us like we are people(not so much the baby talk)
Purrs Georgia,Julie and JJ
Good advice, Summer. We’re calm when mommy is calm.