As everyone knows, cats don’t need to make New Year’s resolutions because we are already flawless beings. The same is not true for humans. Unfortunately, my human does not believe in making resolutions, so I will have to do it for her. Here is my list.
New Year’s Resolution #1:
Cut out all carbs and sweets from your diet
Those carbs and sweets only clutter up your plate, and you cannot give them to me as treats, so why have them there at all? More meat means more kitty treats!
New Year’s Resolution #2:
Join a gym
You take up the whole living room jumping around with your dumb exercise DVDs — space that could better be used by us cats to do our exercise. So join a gym — go exercise elsewhere and leave the living room to us.
New Year’s Resolution #3:
Recycle less cardboard boxes
I am sick, sick, sick of having my favorite boxes getting thrown away all the time, so stop it! The boxes are already recycled… as toys for us cats. So they don’t need to be thrown in the blue bin.
New Year’s Resolution #4:
Help more homeless kitties
You always talk about helping out at the local rescue, but how often do you really go there? At the very least, maybe you can bring your fancy camera and take some photos of the cats, or even videos. That would also mean that maybe I could get a much-needed break from modeling duties now and again.
New Year’s Resolution #5:
Sell more copies of my book
I was promised a new cat tree if my book went into royalties. Well, it is still a long way off from that, so you need to get your butt into gear. I did my part by promoting it all over the internet. You need to get out in the real world and move some copies!
So do you kitties have any New Year resolutions for your humans?
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Love your list Sparkle and there’s only one that I would add. My slaves should resolve to be better behaved in cold wet weather and allow me to use that patch of dirt outside the kitchen door as my very own al fresco litter box. They’ll know which one i mean – it’s where they grow the parsley, the coriander, the thyme and the sage etc.
You’ll have to let us know how those resolutions work out. We havent had much luck with the biped. We purrsonally think all things chocolate should be banned, I mean what good is a cake or ice cream if we can’t eat it because of chocolate.
Oh Bast, You bet I do!
First, Quit your freaking job and stay home to take care of me. How’s that sound, huh?
Second, Please serve me at least two, preferably three, kinds of Stinky Goodness, so I can decide which I prefer to eat each morning.
Third, Blog and visit all my friends every damn day when I tell you to! And don’t make me say it twice. Fourth, Either lose the frigging 40 pounds or shut up about it. I’m tired of hearing you complain day in and day out and never doing anything about it.
Finally, Yes, thank you for quitting smoking, but that was a year and a half ago. Yes, I appreciated it, but come on. What have you done for me lately?
I don’t think there are any major plans for change around our place. We are finding a new vet this year, so somehow I think a diet is in order for the big guy–which is NOT gonna go over well.
Sparkle: My human Tommy read your resolutions and crinkled her nose. If she had whiskers, thouse probably woulda flicked around too. She does that exercise thing too–and the sweet thing, except mine does get ice cream. I like the taking picture of kitties waiting for homes. I can see Tommy bringing home a few–uh…if our house was bigger—I like what’ve said Sparkle. oh and for the books–at least you have a book to SELL. Tommy says she’s a writer, says she’ even thought of writing a children’s story based on me. So far I’ve seen a lot of empty pages. Like I said, Tommy crinkled at your resloutions…GOOD.
I hope your human listens to you. Kitties rule. Humans should just admit that.
Happy New Year!
Noir
Sparkle
Tell your Mom that there are lots of GOOD carbs — it’s only the bad ones she may wish to limit (anything white — white bread, white flour etc…) they convert to simply sugars in the bloodstream and make all kinda nasties in their bodies.Mom had to do away with all the bad carbs a few years ago when she was diagnosed with Diabetes. She lost 100 pounds and got rid of those diabetes. She also is making herself workout, and as long as she doesn’t expect me to do those silly things we’ll be OK!
♥♥♥
purrin
xoxoxo
♥♥♥
Oh, my human knows all about good carbs and bad carbs (not that she always does what she knows!), I just want more meat for her to share with me!
Sparkle, those are some great ideas and we agree that #4 is the best! Keep whispering that in her ear at night while she sleeps..LOL=^Y^=
Great Resolutions for mommy !
I love no. 4…It’s awesome idea : )
My resolution for the Woman is to write more about me so that more people will want to read about me. Oh and if she can get a job at the pet store where she buys my food that would be good too…
We hope your human keeps resolutions #3 & 4. We have boxes all over that we heard Daddy say were going to be recycled. We don’t understand the “going to be” when they already are recycled as our beds.
Sometimes, one simply needs to help them along a little…
Our mom is beyond hope, so we don’t think making resolutions for her will help any. We are shocked to admit that we’ll be glad for her to go back to work. We have had NO routine while she’s been off for vacation and holidays, and it’s starting to disturb us.
The male person took all the farm cats’ boxes away. They were not happy at all.
He pretty much leaves us goats alone. That is because we butt him.
heh heh
Pssst, dood…do you have digital rights to your book? Cause if you do, I sell a megaton more Kindle versions of mine than I do print…
My publisher has it in eBook version (like for Barnes & Noble’s Nook), but not Kindle yet – I think they are waiting for Kindle to do color, since my book is very color-heavy inside.
Too true! We have boxes from over a month ago, because our two use them as kitty beds (oh, they also like to store their mice in them as well). They also use my Total Gym as a launching platform to jump into their cat tree.
They have trained their humans well 🙂
Well, Tim, you just may not NEED any resolutions, then!
Oh Sparkle, that is a terrific list. We are printing it up right now and we are going to put it on the refrigerator if we can figure out the tape thing. But we will find a way. We could always just put it in the middle of her bed so she always sees all the rules.We don’t have a book so she is excused from that one.
Have a fun day Sparkle.
These are some great resolutions!
But…..carbs are not the enemy!! Go for brown rice, whole wheat couscous, wheat bread, oatmeal…..and the brown pasta….THE BEST!!
My Mom needs to get off her lazy ass and get to the gym too!! She has lost weight….now she needs to get it firm!
She also needs to play with me more!
Love, Cody
Wow, you’re tough, Sparkle! You’ll have your human whipped into shape in no time.
This is an excellent list! I want Mom to do #5 in particular!
I knew we could share that resolution, Fin!
We resolved not to have resolutions again this year and we did great with it last year!
Sparkle, you have come up with some excellent suggestions for your human. Better, by far, than what she would have come up with by herself. Cats really ARE smarter than people.
Daddy made me write mine, and his was to stop lighing the stinky sticks and blow smoke. Mommy won’t tell me what hers is but they should be the same as the ones yous wrote for your people. Me is sending her your blog…
Nellie
GREAT resolutions, Sparkle. Especially numbers 3 and 4! 🙂
I thin #3 and #4 are most excellent!
I want my mom to…um…uh…keep working out at home because I just love it when she does “down dog” because I get a little kiss everytime. I’m brilliant at trying to stop her from doing pushups…but I get a little kiss then too…
Purrs, Cory
Well, I don’t mind the yoga and the strength training – I can always walk over/ around her for that. It’s all that crazy leaping around that she calls “dancing!” I’m scared she will fall on one of us one of these days!
We resolve that our human will not work as much in 2011 and not travel as much either.
Happy New Year Sparkle!
–JB
Our mom doesn’t make resolutions either because she’d only break them!! We wish she’d resolve to spend all her time with us playing and giving us treats and cuddles and pets.
Our mum doesn’t need to get any slimmer but she does need to loosen her grip in the treat department – she’s very stingy indeed!!
Very good resolutions.. especially 3 & 4. We hope she listens to her wise kitteh.
I hope you can keep your mom in line! My Mommeh wants to lose about 5 pounds more, but I want her to gain some pounds. I love a soft, squishy belly.
Sparkle… great resolutions for your bean. Hope she keeps to them. I’m with you on the boxes issue… That’s a tender spot with me.
pawhugs, Max
Good for you pal. I agree with you – the oomans are the ones who need to “shape up.” (he he – in more ways den one, if you get my drift.)
Happy New Year, Sparkle!! Yes, let us know how your mom does with these 🙂
Tell your mom I’m glad I met her this year!
Please keep us posted on how your Mom does with these resolutions, Sparkle. There are some pretty tough ones on your list.
I didn’t try and get my mum to make resolutions. She is useless anyway.
We’ve never understood the box thing. Mom does low carb all the time so we get super good leftover noms!!
The Florida Furkids and Angel Sniffie