For nearly nine and a half years (starting September 2003), I have been offering cat-to-cat advice — no humans allowed! That is because there are so many “cat experts” out there who are not actually cats, and I felt that we kitties could only get authentic tips and useable advice from one of our own. But after scrutinizing the columns in my two books and my monthly advice column — quite a large body of work indeed! — it has come to my attention that a good 80-85% of the problems are caused by… humans! And the problem is, we cats can only do so much on our own to change a human’s behavior. After all, they are willful creatures and not very bright.
So after a decade of catering to cats only, I have decided to open things up and invite humans to ask me questions! Maybe if I talk to you people directly and plainly, it will be easier to make you understand what we cats require of you. I know I will have to dumb things down a bit since, not being cats, humans cannot see through a cat’s eyes. Things that are obvious to us cats are as clear as mud to you humans, so it may take more explanation than I am used to. But I am willing to give it a try and see if it helps kitties have better lives with their humans.
Don’t worry, kitties, I will not be giving away any secrets or proprietary information. I am only opening my blog to human questions for your benefit. I do have the Kitty Code of Silence to uphold.
There are just a few rules for you humans to follow:
- I am not a vet. In fact, I hate vets. So I can’t answer questions about health, or medical treatment — or answer questions about issues that require veterinary intervention, other than to tell you that veterinary intervention is required.
- If you have a complicated question, like if you have 10 cats and they have all been fighting for years and peeing all over the place and each one has a different problem with a different cat, I can’t help you there either. You need a cat behaviorist to come to your house and give you a complex solution to your complex problem. Don’t try to take the easy way out. A lot of things can’t be solved over the internet, so don’t try.
- Don’t expect me to give you easy answers that will make your life more comfortable. Easy or not, the answers I give you will make your cats’ lives more comfortable. Hello, I’m a cat! I care about other cats. Humans? Not so much. Although I will make an effort to find a happy medium.
- You can ask me dumb questions. Like if you are wondering why your cat is doing something that puzzles you but isn’t a behavior problem — you are just curious. In fact, those are my favorite questions because if I don’t know the answer, I may make something up (this has to do with the Kitty Code of Silence — there are some things we don’t want you to know).
- While I do hope what I have to say helps cats, this is all in fun and not meant to be a replacement for advice from a vet or behaviorist. Seriously, if you are at your wit’s end, go to Google and search for an expert near your home. I know I said this before, but it bears repeating.
There you have it! If you have any questions, use my contact page on my blog or email me at sparkle at sparklecat dot com.
Heh. This should be interesting!
Like it Sparkle, LIKE IT. Mum has one of those 7 cats and the senior is grumpy with the kittens so we will sort that one out for ourselves MOL!!!
This experiment should be EXTREMELY interesting! Can’t wait!
Purrs
Good luck with that, Sparkle! Humans! Can’t live with them, can’t live without them!!! Well, I guess we can, ahem!
Good to know ! Now you should have printed new visit cards “Psychologist for humans with cat problems” ! lol !
Our mom is ready with the questions.
This is so cool Sparkle! Me is sending this post to my Mommy!
Kisses
Nellie
We can’t wait for the first column! We could always use help keeping our humans in line.
ha! love point #4 😀 Sparkle, we are glad you will be branching out!
Pip, Smidgen, Minnie, Hollie
My Human has a regular TON of questions, Sparkle, but I’m not sure I’m going to allow her to ask you. I have to think about it.
This is awesome – humans need so much guidance.
We think mama is about formulate her questions. Good idea Sparkle, let humans ask dumb questions.
Wait. There are alternative uses for lemons? You just made Maxwell’s head hurt, CK! MOL!
“Dumb it down” hahahaha we love it!
We like the hard line you will take with the humans!
They always want the easy solutions 😉
As you say, this could be interesting!
Purrs Tillie and Georgia,
Treasure,Tiger, JJ and Julie
What a great idea Sparkle. We need all help we can get.
Sparkle
you are a very brave kitty to take on the hoomans!
Great idea !
Can´t wait to see all the dumb questions the humans will send to you 😉
Any human who thinks to ask for your advice, Sparkle, is clearly a superior human already!
Purrs,
The Chans
Well, even though I am not a human I would like to know why the cats insist upon peeing in my hay pile!
Great idea! Humans can be kinda silly at times.. Glad you’re there to help!
That sounds like a good idea. It is a big task you have set yourself though. Everyone knows Humans aren’t smart like us cats.
You’re gonna be busy Sparkle! Our mommy has always wondered how we can tell the difference between a can of stinky goodness or a bag of treats being opened from other cans or bags being opened. They sound the same to her so we won’t let her in on the secret. On second thought, not sure you should either!
Well you sure have the wisdom and we are glad you will be sharing!
I’ve got a question for you..
http://www.kittyblog.net/2012/07/why-does-she-do-this.html
My Kit, with a toy mouse in her mouth, kneads AND prances in circles around beds.. What on earth is she thinking??
Oh my dawg! We will have to think of something that we do that totally perplexes the beans and maybe you can answer the question!!! Okey dokey. We have our thinking hats upon our furry heads.
Luf, Us
Great idea! We are looking forward to the stoopid human questions.
Hmmm, sounds interesting. Can’t wait to see this.
I agree with Cathy; decide on the focus. As some one who dispenses advice professionally to humans and cats, humans need all the help they can get 😉
Maybe you should be specific and say you’ll only answer questions from humans about cats. Otherwise, they’ll be axing questions about their love life and how to cook eggs in a microwave or alternate uses for lemons. Humans are dumb after all. Looking at the other comments, you may have to devote at least 1 day a week to your advice column, rather than monthly.
That is great, Sparkle! There are many humans (including me) who can learn from you!
whoa….for a breef minit ther sparkle… ya had uz scared ta halibutt harbor N bak…. we thought ewe wuz gonna say…..
ya wuz invitin:
BURDS
thanx bee ta cod ya dinna…..
How generous to share your expertise. Humans everywhere should be grateful.
Great idea, Sparkle! We look forward to seeing what the humans come up with! <3 Sophie & Oliver
I thought I could always ask your human questions…ooops
Oh goodie! Mommy just had a question she was gonna look up on the innernets today. We’ll send you a message instead. Happy Monday!
Hmmm, we’d like to know why 3AM is fave kitty eating time rather than a civilised 8AM.
I weill start getting my mom’s questions in order! STAT! xox
Oh boy! Mom is getting paper and pencil ready to write down her questions. Any questions she may have do not necessarily pertain to anything we do. Just sayin’…
Wow, Sparkle, that is very generous of you to offer your services to humans. But we think you might have your paws full with their crazy questions. 😉
That is a great idea Sparkle. We will have to think about all our problems and see what we can come up with. Can’t wait to hear some of the questions. Take care.
Excellent idea Sparkle. We think you’ll be doing us a world of good by giving the straight talk to humans. Looking forward to your column…..
Have a great day…
hugs, Max, Bugsy, and Knuckles
Great idea. We hope you won’t get too frustrated dumbing things down! You can only do so much with humans … Have a great week!
What a great idea – I wish you’d told me about it before Mum gave me to the vet to torture.
Luv Lucy xx (& Hannah xx)
What a good idea. We have to get our thinking caps on.
Julie and Poppy Q
xxx