I love laundry day! My favorite part is when my human throws all the dirty clothes in the basket! I immediately have to jump in and roll around in all the great smells. Then, I pull out one or two especially fragrant items — a gym t-shirt or shorts usually — and roll around on them some more and then take a nap on them. I look forward to this ritual, but there is a problem (otherwise I wouldn’t be writing you!): my human gets mad when I do this! She acts all put out and either pulls the dirty clothes right out from under me, or even worse, shoves me off. Is there some way I can enjoy laundry day without all the drama?
Hm. Do I get the feeling that you are being a little dramatic yourself? I bet your human is not half as annoyed as you think she is. In fact, I bet she just gently tugs the dirty laundry out from under you, or merely picks you up and places you somewhere you deem to be not as fun. You Siamese kitties tend to exaggerate things. But the attitude with which your human is separating you from your beloved dirty laundry is not the point — the very fact that she is doing it is the issue.
What you must remember is that you and your human have completely different goals when it comes to laundry — she wants to wash it and you want to revel in it. Why humans insist on washing their clothes is a mystery — they replace totally good, natural smells with stinky chemical scents. Once they are done “doing laundry,” I am not even sure how they can tell which clothes belong to who because they all smell the same! Since humans are a little confused on this issue, I think you might as well claim an item or two of clothing as your own before it gets tossed into that scent-killing machine. You will first need to find a good place where humans never go — under the bed is always a good choice. Then dig out a particularly aromatic piece and drag it there. You will, of course, have to do this when no one is looking; otherwise your item will just be taken away from you. As long as you are not caught absconding with a nice, smelly t-shirt or shorts, you will probably be able to keep it indefinitely. Either the humans will not miss it, or they will think that the washing machine “ate it.” I am not sure why humans want to put their laundry into a contraption that occasionally consumes items of clothing, but that quirk is beyond the scope of this column.