Dear Sparkle,
I know that there are obedience schools for dogs — is there anything like that for humans? ’Cause my human could totally benefit from something like that. She is very rude. She never shares her dinner with me, and if I am sitting in a spot on the sofa that she wants, she actually picks me up and moves me! And that is just for starters. She needs to be trained, and badly. Is there a place I can send her where she can learn to behave?
Signed,
Offended
Dear Offended,
Yes, of course your human needs a trainer; in fact she has one: you! To look elsewhere for a human trainer is to shirk one of your most important duties: getting your human to behave properly. Every cat-human relationship is different and you cannot expect some other cat to fully grasp the dynamics in your household. Dogs are easy — teaching them commands like “sit,” “stay” and “heel” are very basic. Humans are more complex and take a lot more work. Getting yours to give you some of the chicken from her dinner plate, for example, requires you to analyze the situation and probably try several different tactics, from looking cute and patting her on the leg to out-and-out jumping on the table and taking what is rightfully yours. You won’t have any idea what works until you try, and no other kitty can do it for you. So if you want your human waking up on time to give you breakfast, giving you the prime spot on the couch, and to go out and buy you a cat tower or two, you are going to have to dig in and get your paws dirty (perhaps even literally!). Stop napping on the job and get your tail moving because no one is going to do this job but you.
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Excellent advice as always Sparkle.
Sparkle, that was great advice. We love the part of jumping on the table and just taking the chicken. We want a video of that please. Super advice. Have yourselves a fun week end.
Sparkle, you’re better than Dear Abby. You’re so right. If cat’s don’t train the humans…no one will!
Good advice Sparkle. Hoomans hafta to be trained thoroughly ~ or they take liberties!
We must try stealing from mum’s plate – we bet she saves the best meat for herself!!
Great advice pal. Oomans are always a work in progress anyway – takes constant, consistent training. I’m still working on staff around here.
Great advice Sparkle…
pawhugs, Max
Very hard to train hoomins. It takes a lot of work on our part, that’s for sure.
Uh oh, you’re putting all kinds of ideas into Scarlett and Melly’s heads.
Excellent advice, Sparkle. Of course we have our #1 perfectly trained…
Purrs,
The Chans
Sparkle, sometimes you just have to show cats the harsh realities. When we are unable to train our humans properly they often go out and do something very stupid–like bringing home Ichiro.
Sparkle, Humans are so incredibly dense. We are glad to have 13 of us here so ours are under constant supervision. Otherwise Cod only knows what might happen; they would run amok!
heh..heh..heh…My mom not gonna like this ! …But I do, Sparkle ! I do take your advice !!!
Dear Sparkle,
I am in awe of your perception on this matter. I shall humbly take notes at your feet.
Nellie
Sparkle you really are tops in the advice department.
Very wise advice Sparkle…plus it is totally true!
I managed to train mine to share her chicken, but she still moves me if she wants to sit where I’m sitting. PFFFFT.
Hmmm, does this work for goats?
Good question! The goat-human relationship is a different dynamic. You might as well give it a try!
Sparkle
You are the “dear Abby” of the cat world.
purrin
xoxox
Excellent advice, but I’ve noticed that some cats are better at training humans than others.
That’s good advice, Sparkle. We’re still training our mom after all these years….
Very good advice Sparkle! We have our humans trained for this stuff already!
Ha ha ha, Sparkle! This is excellent advice! I myself do not care for the Human foodz, but I really should put some additional effort into teaching her to buy me exactly what I want at the store. I guess she probably would, but I change what is my favorite every couple days. The funnest thing is to make her go buy a whole case of something JUST BEFORE I decide I don’t like it anymore! Good times!
When we want something from our Mommy’s plate. We leave bite marks and fur in her food to show her that those are actually ours. This requires patience and lots of repetition before Mommy catches on (bec she isn’t so smart).
Great advice Sparkle…
It sounds like Offended’s human needs to go to charm school as well… I think that’s where humans are supposed to learn manners.
pawhugs, Max