Advice—October 2009

Dear Sparkle,
We have some food issues here. When I’m served dinner, I enjoy savoring every morsel, so I take my time eating. I also leave some for later, since I don’t like to feel overstuffed. My brother, however, is the complete opposite. He scarfs down his food and then he goes after mine! Seriously, he’ll be hovering while I’m trying to get in a few more bites and then the moment I walk away, he’s in there, stealing the rest of my dinner! He is so rude. Is there any way to teach him some manners?
Signed,
Gourmet, not Gourmand

Dear Gourmet,
I know what it’s like, living with a food hog. We have a couple of them here and they are incorrigible. I can’t leave my food unattended for a moment without one of them shoving their face in my bowl. Other than lying in wait and beating them up every mealtime, there’s actually not much you can do about them. Food hogs just have no boundaries. But it’s not really their fault, and you do know who’s to blame, right? Your careless human, who allows your brother to act out in this way. Your human should have been on top of this all along, discouraging his behavior, and removing your food and keeping it in a safe place until you are hungry again. Does your human even know what is going on? Some of them are so dense that they don’t even notice that one cat is hogging all the food. If this is the case, you’d better complain to them right away and insist that they take care of this unsatisfactory situation. Unlike cats, who are aware of everything that goes on around them, humans are woeful creatures who are oblivious to all but the loudest and largest goings-on. So if you want your food issue to change, you must make a big deal out of it. Screaming, howling and knocking things over are always good attention getters — anything that gets your human away from that glowing screen they are no doubt glued to, and into the kitchen, where they should be, keeping an eye on your dinner.