Advice—September 2008

Dear Sparkle,
I have been an indoor cat almost from the time I was born and I live in a pretty nice house, so going outside has never been appealing. Even so, my human thinks that when the outside comes to me, I should do something about it. Case in point: the mouse that has taken up residence in the kitchen. Now, I know some cats think catching mice is a big deal, but I’m totally uninterested. Not that I’m against hunting — I’ve caught a few bugs and like you, I find moths make delicious snacks. But mice? Ick, who cares? My human, however, assumes that just because I’m a cat, it should be my job to catch this mouse. Naturally, I’ve done jack about the situation, which is driving her nuts. She keeps grabbing me and shoving my nose under the stove — she doesn’t even realize the mouse lives under the sink! How do I convince her that getting rid of this mouse is her problem, not mine?
Signed,
No Mice For Me

Dear No Mice,
I’m not even sure why you’re asking me for help — you seem to be making your point just fine already. You’re ignoring the mouse and resisting all your human’s attempts to get involved in a situation that does not concern you. And why should it concern you? As long as the mouse isn’t getting into your kibble, it isn’t doing you any harm. Keep up what you’re doing and eventually your human will take matters into her own hands. But you might give her just a little bit of help, and you won’t have to dirty your paws one bit. You sense of smell is much keener than hers, as you know, and because of this you have figured out where the mouse has taken up residence. So it should be easy enough to wrestle away from your human’s grasp next time she tries pushing you under the stove and head for the area under the sink instead. Paw around frantically like you’ve found something and then look at her like she’s an idiot for not knowing what it is. This tactic always works when I’m trying to tell my human something, and she is pretty dense. I wouldn’t be surprised if your human figures out right away that you’ve found where the mouse lives — at most it should take maybe two or three tries. Once she understands, she will probably expect you to do something about it, and of course you won’t. But at least she’ll know where to go to deal with the mouse when she decides to take care of it herself. Just give her some time — you will be off the hook soon enough.