Advice—September 2006

Dear Sparkle,
Just wait ’til you hear this one! A couple of days ago, without any warning, the humans brought home a puppy. As you might imagine, I am quite annoyed about this. Unlike you and the dog at your house, however, I was starting to consider accepting her. She seems all right, if a bit clumsy and dense. And the humans are being extra nice to me right now (I have trained them well). But disaster has struck! This morning the puppy was wandering around and getting into things, as puppies will do, and she found my catnip stash. And do you know what she did? She ate it! The extra-special, extremely potent, high quality stuff that my humans get from a secret source—it’s all gone! When I found out I was beside myself. Even worse, the humans thought it was funny! They have a very sick sense of humor. I will tolerate just about anything, but my stash is sacred! What can I do?
Signed,
Exasperated

Dear Exasperated,
You know, it’s very hard for me to keep from saying you got what you deserved for even considering accepting a puppy into your household. But everyone keeps on telling me I am way too harsh when it comes to dogs. And to be honest, I think you are over-reacting just a little bit. I’m sure your humans will get you some more nip, and probably sooner than later. It seems like they are trying extra hard to stay in your good graces now that there is a dog in the house, even if they did slip a bit by finding amusement in your predicament.

In any case, the missing nip isn’t really your problem. The issue here is keeping the puppy away from your stuff in general. As I’m sure you have already discovered, puppies are destructive things. They get into everything (including, possibly, your litter box), and tear things apart (including, most likely, your cat toys). Your humans, I’m sure, are doing their best to train the new puppy, but they are doing it from a human perspective. In other words, they are probably more focused on protecting their things than they are yours. So it’s up to you to train the puppy from your own Cat perspective. I hope you are up on your boxing moves because you are going to need them. Fluffing up and hissing may give the puppy pause whenever she’s near your stuff, but it probably won’t completely stop her at first. Fluffing up, hissing and adding a good 1-2 wallop most likely will. Repeatedly administering this treatment will help teach the puppy that she can’t mess with you and your possessions. Eventually all you will need to do is fluff up and stare her down and she should back off. But you will have to be vigilant for a few weeks, and be ready to protect your things in an instant. Puppies need to be taught boundaries, and you must be consistent. Follow my advice and you will have her well trained no matter how big she gets. If you trained your humans, you should find training the puppy a simple process.