I always thought my human was kind of strange, but now I think she’s really gone mad: she wants me to hunt inanimate objects! She keeps tossing plastic balls at me, and these little pieces of catnip-scented cloth, sewn to vaguely resemble the mice I like catching in my garden out back. Needless to say, I am not the least bit interested in these foolish things. After a few weeks of my ignoring them, she came home with this bunch of feathers on a string. That got my attention until the first time I caught it and realized that there was no bird inside the feathers. It wound up annoying me more than anything else. What gives? And how can I get my human to stop wasting my time?
Signed,
Harassed Hunter
Dear Harassed Hunter,
There might be several reasons for your human’s curious behavior. Maybe she has seen you hunt and thinks your form could use some improvement, so she is trying to make you practice, the same way human hunters do target practice. To be perfectly honest, though, I don’t think that is the reason. Humans just aren’t that creative. It is probably the opposite reason: she does not like you catching mice and whatever else you find in your garden and she is trying to convince you that these fake bits of prey are just as much fun (which they aren’t). I mean, I actually enjoy cat toys, but given the choice I would much rather play with a live lizard! If this is the case, you should show her the error of her ways by bringing home prey while it is still alive and demonstrate what the thrill of the hunt is really about! Eventually your human will realize that her toys pale in comparison and she’ll give up trying to get you to use them. That is, unless she has brought them home for the third reason: she read in some cat book that playing with cat toys is a good way for humans to bond with their cats. For a lot of kitties (and I am one of them), this is true, but there are others (like you) who believe that play and prey are not only synonymous, but that the only kind of good play involves live prey. The cat before me was like that. As my human used to say, “She plays for keeps.” But she was utterly devoted to my human and enjoyed just being around her and laying on her chest while she read. So here is where some human training comes in for you: when your human pulls out those annoying toys, make yourself scarce. Just ignore them and leave the room as if they don’t even exist. You choose when you want to spend time with your human, and make it very clear that you consider it your special time with her by headbutting, purring, grooming her hair (like the cat before me used to do to my human), or whatever you enjoy. And of course, that will always be when there are no stupid playthings around. Eventually your human will realize that you two don’t need toys to share a good time.
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We prefer live mousies, but haven’t had any since we moved. Now we take what we can get. Bugs are good.
GREAT advice!! My human buys stuff for us too. It usually gets lost in The Darkness of Under the Couch for months. I gotta make sure my human READS your advice!!
Noir
Dear Sparkle,
As always, your advice is right on! Now how does on get rid of a cat sibling? Me knows that murder is NOT acceptable.
Kisses
Nellie
Good advice Sparkle. I rarely play with toys, I much prefer napping. I let Flynn go and catch the real live mousies because he usually brings them back for me. The silly boy loves to play with toys as well as hunting. He’s far too hyperactive for his own good.
Eric
Many Humans are trainable. Alas, mine is not. But it was good advice, Sparkle, and I’m sure Harassed Hunter’s Human could not be as stupid as mine.
Very good advice. I would have recommended something more cruel and foolish, such as putting a dead mouse in her shoe.
We love toys so we can’t understand where this kitty is coming from. We don’t think you can bunny kick a real mouse so we’ll stick with toys!
Good advice, Sparkle! We play with those “toys” our human throws just so she can be amused.
Excellent advise!!!
purrs
>^,,^<
♥Abby♥Boo♥Ping♥Jinx♥Grace♥
Excellent advice. The cats that lived with Mom before me had no interest in toys, so Mom gave up trying to get them interested in them. Yours will eventually get the message and quit wasting her money on toys.
Of course, we love toys so your human can send all your unwanted toys to my house! Um, what Mom? Oh, a shelter. *shamefaced* Yes, your human should give your unwanted toys to a shelter. *pouts*
All I can think about now is lizards!
…very sound advice Sparkle. Thank Cod kitties have someone like you to turn to.
xo Katie
Yes, that is terrific advice, but it never hurts to give your human some exercise time!
Furry good advice, as always, Sparkle. Sounds like some serious Human Training ahead, tho!
Maybe that cat needs to be a Farm cat!
Good advice. I found my human on a freezing night in December way back when and took me in. Since then I’vie been an indoor kittie. She too, also bought stupid toys and things. The cheap cat-nip which I think is fake doesn’t appeal to me. I ignore her claims that since I nap a lot, I must be bored and need the excersise. I sure miss being outdoors catching live prey
Good advice Sparkle. It always amazes me how slow witted humans are when it comes to us cats!
Good advice as always, Sparkle. After Scarlett became an indoor cat, it took years before she developed any sort of enthusiasm for cat toys. Now she goes bonkers for them!
That is good advice….
wait – you get to go outside and chase lizards….sigh, no fair.
I am actually an indoors-only kitty – but lizards have found their way into the house a couple of times! And when they find their way in here, I find them!
My boys are big on toys because they don’t go outside so the hunting here is “simulated”.
Great advice Sparkle – we love to whap toys round on a dark winter evening when we can’t go out but we much prefer to go out and have the thrill of a chase and try to bring home a good meal when we can. Of course mum allowing this fresh meat over the doorstep is still work in progress.
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx
It’s very hard to train peeps… but it can be done. Patience and diligence are required. Luckily, we cats have loads of both.
Most wise!!!
Great advice as always… Love you column, Sparkle.
pawhugs, Max
Good advice. It sure sounds like that human sure needs some training. Hope they can work out their differences. Take care.