Dear Sparkle,
After an extended period of experimentation, I have decided that the best place for me to sleep at night is on my human’s head. For some reason she does not seem happy with this. She claims she can’t breathe and she keeps getting cat fur in her mouth. Obviously she is exaggerating, because she has not suffocated yet, and besides, I get cat fur in my mouth all the time and it does not bother me. She expects me to sleep in some boring cat bed, which is ludicrous — I’ve already tried it and it does not meet my exacting requirements. How do I get her to stop complaining and just accept it?
Signed,
Bedtime Is Head Time
Dear Bedtime,
Humans are so puzzling. They complain all the time if we cats are not “cuddly” enough for them, and then when we do decide to get up close and cozy, they aren’t happy with that, either. They must get a charge out of complaining; otherwise why would they do so much of it? So right away I want to point out that you are probably doing your human a favor by giving her something to complain about. But you still need to make her stop forcing you into sleeping spots that do not make you happy. Don’t worry, I’ve got a solution that will no doubt please both of you.
One of the best human training tricks is something I call “choosing the lesser of two evils.” So here is what you do — the next time your human refuses to let you sleep on her head, do something that will keep her from sleeping at all. Do sprints up and down the hallway, caterwaul in your best voice, or find something crinkly for an endless play session. If the kitchen is within earshot of the bedroom, jump on the counter and knock a few things onto the floor. If you do this sort of thing every time your human stops you from sleeping in your chosen spot, eventually she will relent and let you sleep on her head so she can get some rest. There you are — you get your sleeping spot back and your human will be able to complain about it to her heart’s content.
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Sparkle, I love your April 2012 post. If the kitty who asked for your advice lived in my house, she’d have to fight me for Mom’s pillow, but it is always every cat for herself…so, I’d understand if she beat me to it. Check out the logo on my Mom’s site showing me sleeping on her head! Hugs and Purrs, Misty May
Great advice Sparkle! Ping pong balls would work great in the wee hours and plus I personally thinks it would take A LOT to suffocate a grown Human (not just a bit of cat hair)!
I am sure my cats would totally agree with this but I am not crazy about this advice. I would prefer to be able to get to sleep and have the cat sleep close but not on my head. My cat sleeps on my chest and it does make it difficult to breathe.
Sparkle, How did you become so verreh wise? You know what though? I take your advice (I sing, I bellow, I play with rattly toys under the bed at 3 a.m.), and yet I have absolutely NO desire to sleep on the Human’s head, or to sleep anywhere in her vicinity at all.
Interesting theory, but not one I’ll put into practice, as I don’t like sleeping on Daddy’s head, and neither does Nikita. 😀
I am laughing so hard I’m almost hyperventilating. Thanks for starting my day off right!
Hey, Sparkle–I don’t sleep on Mom Julie’s head, but I do get her attention when she’s asleep by tickling her face with my whiskers. She rubs her face and grumbles. Doesn’t she know that’s what they’re for??
Hugs,
Tom
xx
I tried that trick of jumping all over my human, but she just put me outside the bedroom and shut the door.
A very sensible suggestion to a problem often encountered by cats who simply want to keep their humans’ heads warm at night. If only they’d realize we’re just trying to be helpful!
Sammy
Wonderful advice Sparkle! You is the MASTER!
Kisses
Grasshopper
(Nellie)
Oh, great advice, Sparkle. You’re quite clever. And devious.
You are so clever Sparkle! Great advice!
Great advice. I like any advice with the word evil in it.
Now THAT’S some advice we can ALL take to the bank! I’m really liking the whole kitchen counter angle.
; ) Katie
Good advice! Mum doesn’t really mind me sleeping on her head. It’s when I make biscuits on her scalp and stand on her hair that she seems to object. Eric
Sounds like winning advice fer both parties! Although WE prefer TBT’s tummy. Its softer.
Hmmmmmm, but I run the halls at night so I willnhave to try the head sitting!
Great advice. I don’t sleep on my human’s head because she tosses and turns a lot. Makes me fall off and unable to get MY beauty sleep.
My human gave me my own pillow next to hers. Sometimes she pats on it and leaves treats for me so now I just sleep there. It’s softer than her head anyways. 🙂
Whoa! Great advice! My hat would be off to you if’n I wore one. TW has just let me start sleeping in her bed again which is good cos Pop got a new mattress today and it feels like wood.
what great advice. I am close to wanting to sleep on mom’s head but so far I have relented and slept by her side adhered to her back.
We compromise and have a rota – we both sleep on the bed for a while and then when Mum’s finally put her book down and is asleep we take turns to watch her while the other one can have time out!
Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx
we decided to split the difference….we sleep on the bed but not on her head (besides – her head is lumpy – why would we want to sleep on that when the bed is so comfy?)
I actually think that the pillow is the best place for a cat to sleep. That way I can turn from side to side without really disturbing either of us. Otherwise it is a tangle of limbs and cats riding the leg waves which isn’t comfortable for anybody!!!
Unfortunately, I get put in the conservatory at night time so the humans can put the burglar alarm on. Otherwise, I’d love to give this one a try.
Sparkle, I am so NOT letting the boys read your advice column today. LOL.
-The human
Sounds wonderful to us. Should work just fine for that kitteh.
Oh that plan sounds like it will work. We do that very thing anyway, just for the fun of it. But that should work. Have a super Friday.
Excellent advice!!! Have a great weekend!!!