We are two kitties who live together but don’t really like each other much. We spend most of our days ignoring each other, napping, and watching Bird TV in opposite sides of the house. We especially give each other space at mealtimes — no food stealing allowed! We do not share anything, so you are probably a little surprised that we are writing to you together. But there is one thing we do agree on: our human is driving us nuts, trying to get us to be friends! She keeps doing totally annoying things, like bringing us together and petting us at the same time (one of us hissed and the other ran away), putting us both on the bed next to her (the moment she falls asleep, we go to different corners of the bed), and giving us treats together (this almost always results in smacky paws). We think it is pretty clear that we will never be best friends, so why is our human so dense, and how can we make her stop her silly attempts to make us get along?
Oil and Water
Dear Oil and Water,
I know humans who would be grateful for you two — they live with cats who have turned their households upside down with their clash of wills. You kitties, on the other hand, have learned to coexist peacefully without having to resort to claws. Yet your unappreciative human keeps insisting that you kiss and be pals. Yuck. If she had any sense whatsoever, she would be grateful you guys don’t beat up on each other.
This is a touchy situation, since the more antipathy you show towards each other, the harder your human will work to make you be friends. In fact I had to think really hard to come up with a solution to your dilemma. I don’t know if any kitty has ever used this tactic before, but give it a try and let me know if it works: the next time your human attempts to get you cats to buddy up, instead of getting mad at each other, get mad at her! After all, she’s the one who is being annoying. I’m not saying go feral on her or anything, just both of you give her some smacky paws without claws. Maybe hiss at her a little. Then run off into your hiding places. When she gives up on trying to cajole you out of where ever you have gone, just go about your day, ignoring each other as if nothing ever happened. Your human sounds like a persistent one, but once you start directing your ire at her (which is really where the problem is coming from), maybe she will be more concerned about ruining your relationship with her instead of creating some faux friendship between you two. When it comes to us kitties, humans need to realize “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!”