Jerky Human Story About Cats!

This post requires my serious expression

The year has barely started and I already have a stupid human-written cat story to complain about! This one appeared in the Huffington Post a couple of days ago and is called “Sorry, But Your Cat Is Actually A Total Jerk. It’s Just Science.” It proceeds to pull out a handful of biased, misinformed studies and twist around true cat facts in order to poke derisive fun of us kitties! I really hate it when humans do jerky things like this because it makes extra work for cats like me, who have to refute everything.

So here goes — I’m going to address just a few of this article’s many wrongs:

“Your cat hears you, but she won’t do what you tell her to.”
The scientific study the writer draws from leaves out several important facts, not the least of which is that we are paying attention to our human’s calls — we are just not replying vocally. It is not our fault that humans don’t understand the importance of subtle, non-verbal communication. And the part about knocking stuff off a table to get a human’s attention? Blame that on the humans for their inability to comprehend these other types of communication. It’s like the mother having to resort to yelling to get a kid’s attention. Consider that our version of yelling.

“Some cats actually hate the only thing they’re good for: cuddling.”
I find it insulting that some people think we cats are only good for cuddling when we do so many other more important things, like human supervision, guarding the house from vermin, adding beauty to homes, and showing humans that life can be fun and not to take everything so seriously! Some cats have even saved their humans lives by warning them about fires, or brought them help during a diabetic seizure. Yes, some of us cuddle and some of us don’t (and those that don’t still often lie next to or on top of our humans and purr at them), but that is certainly not the only thing we’re good for!

“Just because a cat rubs against you doesn’t mean it likes you.”
Yeah, so? And an act of marking is supposed to make us jerks? Humans have weird expectations.

“Your antisocial cat may not even be the smartest pet in your house.”
Let me quote the first sentence of this paragraph: “Dogs may be more intelligent than cats because they know how to make friends.” Then how do you explain all those socially awkward human geniuses? Social development and intelligence are not one and the same. If it were, the smartest people would all work in the hospitality industry and none of them would be scientists.

“One of your cat’s favorite ways to ‘kiss’ is through a distant gaze you probably don’t even know she’s giving.”
Whoa! This writer took a sincere feline sign of affection and called it jerky? Who’s the jerk here?

“Your love for cats could make you the butt of society’s jokes.”
Even the article’s author admits that this could be society being a jerk. ‘Nuff said.

“If you die alone with your cat, it won’t hesitate to eat you.”
Two words: Donner Party.

“Cats don’t give a damn about sugar and spice and all that’s nice.”
In other words, we don’t have the sugar taste receptors. Frankly, I know some humans who kind of wish they didn’t have that receptor either. And that makes neither them, nor us cats, jerks.

“Your cat makes you clean up toxic poop.”
Here is another bunch of bunk about the Toxoplasma gondii parasite. Let me make this perfectly clear: all humans who dig around in gardens expose themselves to this parasite constantly, cats or no cats. So stop blaming us for this thing already!

“Your cat cleans herself because she thinks you stink.”
If a human was hugged at length by another human — a sweaty one who hadn’t taken a bath in a couple of days — wouldn’t they want to bathe themselves too? Well, that’s what humans smell like to our highly sensitive feline nostrils. Case closed.

So can writers stop being jerks about us cats already?

* * *
Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” Sparkle had answers to many annoying problems in her two award-winning books! Visit her author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of her awesome Dear Sparkle books!

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  1. says

    Thank you Sparkle for once again proving who the jerk really is here,
    that stupid writer! Probably does not even live with a cat as no cat would have her 😉
    We have standards too!
    Purrs Georgia and Julie,
    and Angels Tiger and Tillie

  2. says

    Whoever wrote that article is the total Jerk of all times. What is wrong with someone like that. But great answers Sparkle. Bet he or she is a very unhappy person.

  3. says

    When I saw it was Huffington Post I knew who the jerk was going to be. We have AOL as our ISP and they get their news from HP. Mum never even bothers to read it because she knows it will be a load of b*ll s**t.

  4. Katie Bella says

    Why do men harass cats? Why do they hate them? I have long vmaintained that cats, male or female are feminine looking. Their softness and sweet lovely faces are reminiscent of human females in a manner of speaking. I think jerks like that hate human women period, end of paragraph.

  5. says

    Personally, Sparkle, I think you should petition the “Huffington Post” to allow you a full REBUTTAL! This is ignorance & stupidity at its height!


  6. says

    I assumed that article was humor, hardly fact. From the title I thought you were going to rant about a recent article on Catster, I’m sure you know the one I mean. I won’t mention it by name because it should get no further attention. (So far it is running at 104 comments and none of them positive.)

  7. says

    We hate authors who like to call attention to themselves by writing negative things about cats. Chances are they have never enjoyed the company of a cat and know absolutely nothing about them from first-hand experience. A pox 👿 upon them, we say. They deserve it! Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

  8. says

    Good grief – that is the dumbest article I’ve ever seen written about cats. The person who wrote it is an idiot! He obviously does not know cats nor has he ever had one. I would so like to make everyone who writes something nasty about cats be forced to move into our houses for a month to live with us and our cats! I think they would change their tune. Well, it’s a dream that will never happen, but that’s what I wish for.

  9. says

    MOL MOL MOL Sparkle my K9 friend Jack sent me at video showing a lady talking about this very thing.
    I’ve been telling mom she has cooties now she believes me
    Hugs madi your bfff

  10. says

    Why do some humans feel the need to be negative about cats when they clearly don’t know anything about cats? We’re glad we have you to stand up for us Sparkle!

  11. says

    Tell it like it is, Sparkle!!! That is the most uninformed bunch of poop I’ve seen outside of a litter box. You need to respond to that article. CATS eat dead humans? Guess she never heard of Marie Provost.

  12. says

    First of all, I will give you my take on stupid humans and their relationship with cats: If it is a guy, he is scared of cats. If it is a gal, she is green colored with jealousy.
    Next thing I want to say is, “Sparkle! You should be writing for HP!”

  13. says

    “…because they KNOW HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS?!?!” We wanna know what that writer’s IQ is, if that’s what he thinks constitutes a SMART being. Pffft. Uhm, BOTH our humans are total introverts and our dad’s a nuclear physicits, for REALZ.

    HAH. We rest our case.

  14. Baby Tali says

    Obviously that lady never had a kitty to loves..with her attitude I hope she never gets one..Yeah..someone is a jerk here but it is not a kitty..her loss.. 👿

  15. Sue Brandes says

    Idiot with a capital “I.” These kind of stories make me really upset that they even wrote them. I sure hope he has no animals or children too.

  16. Raine says

    I’m in agreement with everyone-I hope this person doesn’t have any pets or anything else! Great and intelligent comebacks-thanks for posting reality.

  17. says

    Thanks for the fabulous rebuttal to this article Sparkle! My human and I saw this article the other day and both said “Sparkle needs to take on this one!”. You should have your human submit this to the writer at the HP and see if they are brave enough to print your reaction! Meow and Namaste~ Pippy the Feline Yogini

  18. says

    👿 What a jerk of a Hu’man to bee alloud to publish an artickle of such cwap!! Me iz furreeuss n me iz fuury angree Sparkle…
    Me agreez wif all yer reebuttalz n me givez ya 2 pawz up!!! Well dun!
    Oh N Mum sayz she will neber reed Huffy Post again ’cause dey all is jerky!
    Me not a cuddler butt me lubz to snuggle n curl up in Mum’z lap…she tellz me how me keepz her happy…so to da jerly Hu’man, ‘NANNER NANNER NANNER!!”
    Lub Nylablue xx

  19. says

    I will never understand some people’s need to pour forth hatred of cats. They are dear, sweet creatures full of love, though they may show it differently than people do. Good rebuttal, Sparkle

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