A Tortie Guide to World Domination

Don't tell her but she does NOT dominate ME!

There is regular Cat World Domination, and then there is… Tortie Cat World Domination! Like with everything else they do, tortoiseshell cats take it a step farther. And look no further than Binga to have her very own set of rules. Here they are:

1a. If somebody disagrees with you, whap them.

1b. If somebody has more food than you, whap them.

1c. If somebody looks at you funny, whap them.

1d. When in doubt, whap them.

2. Make sure you get all the treats.

3. When humans are eating, you get some too. If they are reluctant to give you your fair share, walk right up to the plate and demand it. “Demand” means “take.”

4. Extreme purring is not a gift; payment is expected.

5. Petting is allowed and accepted gratefully, but tummy petting shall be punished.

6. Everything in the house, including the bed, all the food (human and feline), the dog and the humans belong to the tortoiseshell cat.

7. Bite when extremely annoyed.

8. Strangers are invited to worship. Or else.

9. Everyone is dirty and needs to be licked clean.

10. Tortoiseshell cats shall never be denied.

* * *
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Comments

  1. says

    Ha..Ha..Ha…OMC ! Your rules are too funny !!!
    Mom and Me laugh till cry :lol:
    Mom will share this on FB cause my aunty got a great tortie boss..tee..heh

    Thanks for visited my blogoversary and I heard YOU MISS ME, Miss Sparkle :wink:
    Miss you all too
    xoxo

  2. says

    Oh those rules sound so familiar. We have three torties here and they all go by those rules exactly. But thanks for the reminder Binga. Take care.

  3. says

    Whoa – good reminder to avoid torties – Perhaps I will stick with laid-back orange cats and super-smart striped tabbies…

  4. says

    Yeah Binga! Torties rule! Well that’s what Astrid and Calista think! They really like #4. They are huge purrers, but it is definitely not done gratuitously. They want to say thanks for bringing torties to the world’s attention and ask that you continue to help spread the word of their superiority. We may not all agree, but purrs and hugs anyway, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette

  5. says

    Excellent rules Binga! I need to work on number three and just take the food off my human’s plate that I want instead of waiting. Thanks for the inspiration. Meow and Namaste! ~ Pippy the Feline Yogini

  6. says

    I agree that there should be a Tortie World Cat Domination Day Binga but I’ve never whapped anybuddy or anything before. The only things I do are #6, #8 and #10. I absolutely LOVE my tummy being petted especially since I usually lay upside down on everybuddy inviting them to scritch my belly! Mommy says I’m Tortie mixed with slug so maybe that’s why we’re so different.

    Purrs,
    Isabella

  7. da tabbies o trout towne says

    binga…may I hire you for a few days…that’s all they need to get whapped into shape…I can pay you in cash; or I can open you a line of credit at the store of your choice if you prefer…let me know….hugs from dai$y =^..*=

  8. says

    oh Binga!! Mom’s cat before me, Tasha was a Tortie, and I think she must have helped with those rules for Tortie World Domination…but she would definitely have added “If there is a human playing with a wand, the Tortie ALWAYS get her turn first…others can wait”…just a suggestion; paw pats, Savannah

  9. says

    well, we aren’t Torties but we’d sure like to adopt Binga’s rules :D
    Love her picture – she has the greatest expressions :)

    Pip, Smidgen, Minnie, HOllie

  10. says

    Pop started following you and he had to read me this blog cos he thought it was so funny. I was surprised to find out I have so much in common with Binga. #7 is definitely my favorite.

  11. says

    Hee, hee! Isn’t that part of their charm? We had a little tortie and she didn’t whap when she wanted something. She grabbed a big old mouthful of hair and pulled. Hard.

  12. Baby Tali says

    Yep..that is my Aunt Susie for sure..all I have to do is walk past her and she whaps me..She says thanks for educating everyone..and Torties Rule..Ouch..she just whapped me again! :twisted:

  13. says

    Mum is currently choking on her coffee with laughter.

    No RILLY Miss Sparkle – this is postively incendiary * hurries to close browser window before Sunty Sienna (A TORTIE) sees the subject matter…..

    :lol:

  14. maggieTKat says

    It is very sad that torties have to publish these rules. They are scientific law and we all should know! Tortietude rocks.

  15. Ms. Phoebe says

    Binga my fellow tortie ladycat- mew are a Queen! I too pledge allegiance to these rules and am going to share them with my friend and fellow tortie ladycat Marjie Girl who is the founder and leader of the Tortie Army on Facebook! I know she is going to love this! *salutes Binga her fellow tortie soldier for World Domination*

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