9 New Year’s Resolutions… for My Human

Weren't you expecting this photo today?

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 147,869 times — we kitties are perfect, so we do not need to make New Year’s resolutions! Well, maybe except for Binga — as you can see above, she had too much nip last night and woke up this morning on the floor with a lampshade on her head. But never mind her; this post is about being helpful by making New Year’s resolutions for our humans. I know some of your humans are gathering a list, but as is typical with them, they always leave off very important things.

Here are a few resolutions I know my human desperately needs, but would never think of on her own:

  1. Make a schedule and stick to it — do you know how vexing it is when dinner is late?

  2. Be more diligent about litter box duties. You are very lucky we are patient kitties.

  3. Figure out how to sleep more restfully. Napping on top of you is like trying to get some shut-eye on a ship during a gale.

  4. Clean up hairballs a little more cheerfully. It’s not the end of the world, and the way you act, you would think we did something wrong.

  5. Learn how to laugh in a more ladylike fashion. The fact that your guffaws instantly clear the room of felines should give you a clue that this needs to change.

  6. Play with me at least a couple of times a day. Stop making me jump on the desk and whap you to get your attention!

  7. Ditto with brushing.

  8. Ditto with treats. Seriously, you have no idea how tiresome all that whapping gets.

  9. Quit buying stupid Halloween costumes for us cats. It’s an addiction, and it is not very pretty.

Do you have any good New Year’s resolutions for your humans? If you do, please share!

* * *
Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” Sparkle had answers to many annoying problems in her two award-winning books! Visit her author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of her awesome Dear Sparkle books!

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  1. says

    May I borrow your human’s resolution for my mom ?
    Thanks for your hard work. This is purrfect solution for all human ; )
    Happy New Year 2013 to you and your beautiful family : )
    May Every Single Day of Your New Year Glow With
    Pawsome Cheer, Excellent Healthy, & Happiness

    ❤ Girls !!! You always been loved by Me ❤

    Puddy Boy

  2. says

    We think those are great resolutions, Sparkle. Though we’ve no need of #9, thank cod.

    Happy new year to you all; may 2013 bring love, laughter, good health and prosperity!

    Purrs and peace.

  3. says

    Numbers two and six are EXTREMELY important, I think. My sister Constance would totally agree about number three. And number five? Let’s just say I have, on occassion, hear the first peep snort! Yup. Sometimes… when she laughs… it comes out as a snort. Not an ounce of lady in a snort, I should think. purrs


  4. says

    We stuck to our last year, and it was not to make resolutions! We will do it again this year. We wish you all the best for 2013. Happy New Year from all of us at Brian’s Home!

  5. says

    That old lady of ours wouldn’t pay any attention to our resolutions. We have her pretty well trained at the moment. She is a little stingy with the treats, so we need to work on that. But we do like your resolutions Sparkle. They are terrific. Hope it is a great year for all of you.

  6. says

    Oh I have several for my human too! I planned to post them today too but… guess what? Today’s post was supposed to be posted yesterday but yesterday I posted nothing because my human claimed to have hurt herself while doing the house cleaning (how worse an excuse can we get, really!).
    So the scheduling and sticking to it resolution is definitely on HER list too 😉

    Happy New Year!

  7. says

    My human needs to buy more toys and stuff for us. She’s always going on about money. Get some then. I watch Boardwalk Empire–that guy sits around and people bring him larges piles of cash. She needs to do that…

  8. says

    Heeheehee at Binga 😉
    We like those resolutions! We will point them out to Mom!
    Remember Moms, it’s about the kitties,not you :/
    Purrs Tillie and Georgia,
    Treasure,Tiger, JJ and Julie

  9. says

    I’m going to be posting these resolutions on the fridge for you-know-who’s.

    Gloman needs to pay particular attention to #5.
    And Glogirly needs to heed #9.

    paws crossed,

  10. says

    Sparkle, these are all such good resolutions for our mom too. We can’t think what else to add. Though along the lines of #4, be more cheerful and patient when we cause troub…er…we mean…are having fun… 😉

    Happy New Year!
    Pip, Smidgen, Minnie, Hollie

  11. says

    We like your resolutions! Much better than the dumb ones our Mom tries every year. Notice we said EVERY year? Sheesh….you think she would learn.

    Happy New Year to you too!! We’re purring for a pawsome 2013!

    The Florida Furkids

  12. says

    We want to hear your human’s laugh! We hope she keeps those resolutions, especially the treats one! Our mommy needs to play with us more especially during tax season when she barely gets out of her chair.

  13. says

    My goodness! I think I need to make sure my human Tommy checks out your list–especially the litter box and treats part. Humans–sometimes—well, it is a new year–maybe this year they will ‘get’ it. :)

    Happy New Year Sparkle, Boodie, Binga and your human! :)


  14. says

    Sparkle, we could have written these same resolutions for our mom. We’re gonna make sure she sees these.

    Happy New Year to all of you! We hope that 2013 brings you much happiness!

  15. Katie Bella says

    Sparkle, I LOVE your resolutions as it were..directions actually..and I lpve your book! Mommy and I were gifted with it. LOVE.

    Happy New Year dear, along with your fursibs and your mom and dad. xoxoxo

    I hope to be back before a lot longer. <3

  16. says

    The only thing I can add to those great resolutions is that Mom needs to quit using that flashy box on us so much, but I think that is not about to happen. *pffft*

  17. says

    Sparkle, every year on the 1st, I make a list of revolutions for the peeps. Have they kept any? No! So this year I only made one for each. Why is it so hard for peeps to keep the litter box clean? BTW, every time TW laughs, I attack her. Does this tell you anything?

  18. says

    I think Hobbes and Grace would like to add: No smooching the cat when he or she is napping. For some reason, my two hate that. sheesh.

    Happy New Year to you, Sparkle and the gang!

  19. says

    Mommy would not let me post my resolutions for her today. She made me writes mine! Purrsonally, me thinks me is purrfect! And your is pretty great. Me may just borriw some of yours.

  20. says

    10. Quit trying to fold the laundry while it’s warm. You know I’m not going to get up.

    11. Ditto for making the bed. What’s the point anyway…we’re just going back to bed after breakfast.

    12. DO NOT make me move so you can get into bed. I have warmed up my spot nicely. You warm up your own so I can take it over when you get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.

    Oh Sparkle, we could go on and on, but we will leave some resolutions for your other followers. Happy New Year from your friends, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette

  21. says

    Sparkle, Tsunami and I (Legend) LOVE your list – as always, you are SO right-on!
    I am sending this to both of my humans and I may tweet out a reminder for all of them too!

    Happy New Year from your friends at Create With Joy – ME-ow!

  22. Thomas says

    No. 1 and No. 3 should be at the top of the list for the humans at our house. Sharing the house with little humans is taxing enough, and then the additional burden of waiting for meals and not getting enough sleep is adding insult to injury. It’s a good thing we are entertained by the humans that live with us. – Aurora & Borealis (posting for our human).

  23. EdnasPanky says

    Panky: Fanks for these Resolutions. These are purr-fect and simple enough for DaMa here to follow. Glad Iz hopped over here. MOL
    Happy New Year!


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