What’s with humans and water bottles? Every time I try to enjoy myself — jump on the counter to see what’s for lunch or give myself a good, long stretch on the side of the sofa — out comes that confounded water bottle and I get squirted! Fortunately the humans have to go away for much of the day to their “work” thing, otherwise I’d never be able to have fun. Is there some way to make them stop squirting water at me?
Dear All Wet,
Even if you are not thrilled with your present situation, trust me, you are getting the last laugh. Humans have wasted many cat generations — not to mention a couple of human ones — trying to bend kitties to their will by squirting them with water bottles. And the funny thing is, it doesn’t work! Oh sure, it works when they are at home and near a water bottle. But as you have noted, when they are not around, you have free reign to do whatever you want, with no risk of getting wet. If humans really wanted us cats to stop counter diving or clawing the furniture, they would find better ways for us to occupy our time — maybe buy us fancy cat trees and deluxe scratching surfaces, or build cat shelves for us to hang out on in lieu of counters. But no, they think that as long as we are not “misbehaving” when they are there, we are always doing what they want! They must believe that if they can’t see it, it doesn’t exist — how self-centered can you get?
About the only advice I can give you regarding the water bottle is to knock it down and roll it under the sofa before you start clawing it. But really, who cares about the stupid thing, when you can do whatever you want the moment the humans walk out the door or go to sleep? Chances are that nothing you do can change this bad habit of your humans, because they are not bright enough to come up with a real solution. Didn’t some famous human once say “The definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting different results?” Well, the whole water bottle thing proves that humans are insane.