After an extended period of experimentation, I have decided that the best place for me to sleep at night is on my human’s head. For some reason she does not seem happy with this. She claims she can’t breathe and she keeps getting cat fur in her mouth. Obviously she is exaggerating, because she has not suffocated yet, and besides, I get cat fur in my mouth all the time and it does not bother me. She expects me to sleep in some boring cat bed, which is ludicrous — I’ve already tried it and it does not meet my exacting requirements. How do I get her to stop complaining and just accept it?
Bedtime Is Head Time
Humans are so puzzling. They complain all the time if we cats are not “cuddly” enough for them, and then when we do decide to get up close and cozy, they aren’t happy with that, either. They must get a charge out of complaining; otherwise why would they do so much of it? So right away I want to point out that you are probably doing your human a favor by giving her something to complain about. But you still need to make her stop forcing you into sleeping spots that do not make you happy. Don’t worry, I’ve got a solution that will no doubt please both of you.
One of the best human training tricks is something I call “choosing the lesser of two evils.” So here is what you do — the next time your human refuses to let you sleep on her head, do something that will keep her from sleeping at all. Do sprints up and down the hallway, caterwaul in your best voice, or find something crinkly for an endless play session. If the kitchen is within earshot of the bedroom, jump on the counter and knock a few things onto the floor. If you do this sort of thing every time your human stops you from sleeping in your chosen spot, eventually she will relent and let you sleep on her head so she can get some rest. There you are — you get your sleeping spot back and your human will be able to complain about it to her heart’s content.