Every Christmas, my human goes on and on about how I must be a good kitty so some stranger will give me lots of presents. I’m not even sure if this stranger is a human or a cat because my human keeps changing his or her name. Sometimes it is Sandy Claws, other times it is Santa Kitty or Santa Paws. Anyhow, I get all these lectures about how I should not be bad or this stranger won’t bring me anything. It’s really annoying. And then finally it’s Christmas and I get a bunch of cool gifts and my human shuts up about this Santa-Sandy-Kitty-Claws for another year. What’s the deal? Do I really have to be good?
I have a secret for you, something that humans have been hiding for many, many cat years, so you may want to make sure your humans are out of the room before you read my answer: not only is it pointless for us kitties to be good to get presents — we actually get more when we are bad! That’s right, misbehaving will get you more toys, treats and even big things like cat trees! Think about it: when we cats are destructive or when we fight with our roommates, there is always a reason for it. We are bored, we feel cramped living with other cats, there aren’t enough good scratching surfaces, etc. So your human will solve these problems by playing with you more, buying you more cool scratchers, and bringing home cat trees and shelving to give you more vertical space! They think that bringing home these things will make you behave better, and usually they are right! I don’t know where this Sandy Claws thing got started, but I can tell you, the humans have it all wrong. Maybe being good and getting rewarded for it works for them, but for us kitties, the exact opposite is true! Sure, if you behave nice, you will get gifts, but they will probably be so-so gifts, nothing all that special — stuff you will be bored with in five minutes. But if you act out, you will get gifts that are tailored specifically to what you really want! So actually, you don’t have to be good for Christmas, or any other time of year. In fact, behaving badly is more likely to earn you something really cool. Don’t let on I told you this — it is just between us kitties, okay?