Dear Sparkle,
Every Christmas, my human goes on and on about how I must be a good kitty so some stranger will give me lots of presents. I’m not even sure if this stranger is a human or a cat because my human keeps changing his or her name. Sometimes it is Sandy Claws, other times it is Santa Kitty or Santa Paws. Anyhow, I get all these lectures about how I should not be bad or this stranger won’t bring me anything. It’s really annoying. And then finally it’s Christmas and I get a bunch of cool gifts and my human shuts up about this Santa-Sandy-Kitty-Claws for another year. What’s the deal? Do I really have to be good?
Signed,
Dubious
Dear Dubious,
I have a secret for you, something that humans have been hiding for many, many cat years, so you may want to make sure your humans are out of the room before you read my answer: not only is it pointless for us kitties to be good to get presents — we actually get more when we are bad! That’s right, misbehaving will get you more toys, treats and even big things like cat trees! Think about it: when we cats are destructive or when we fight with our roommates, there is always a reason for it. We are bored, we feel cramped living with other cats, there aren’t enough good scratching surfaces, etc. So your human will solve these problems by playing with you more, buying you more cool scratchers, and bringing home cat trees and shelving to give you more vertical space! They think that bringing home these things will make you behave better, and usually they are right! I don’t know where this Sandy Claws thing got started, but I can tell you, the humans have it all wrong. Maybe being good and getting rewarded for it works for them, but for us kitties, the exact opposite is true! Sure, if you behave nice, you will get gifts, but they will probably be so-so gifts, nothing all that special — stuff you will be bored with in five minutes. But if you act out, you will get gifts that are tailored specifically to what you really want! So actually, you don’t have to be good for Christmas, or any other time of year. In fact, behaving badly is more likely to earn you something really cool. Don’t let on I told you this — it is just between us kitties, okay?
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Mom Kim: Sparkle! OMC, I can’t believe it, you’ve let the cat out of the bag, so to speak. Now feline four-leggeds everywhere will be acting out…at least until they get their presents.
We’re gonna do what we want to anyway!!!
Great column Sparkle. I’m gonna read it to the boys. Watch out.
pawhugs, Max
What a purrfect reason for being naughty!
Luv Hannah an d Lucy xx xx
Oh Sparkle, thanks for explaining that to us. We will continue to be our usual bad selves, especially our three or four kittens that live here. We were’t sure about all this Santa talk either, and now we know what is happening. Hope you have some great holidays.
I think even when kitties are bad they are good
Well, looks like you get toys, either way! We knows you will get a visit from Sandy Claws, Sparkle. You is always such a good girl. Merry Christmouse xoxo
Hmmm, I wonder if this will work with goats?
As always your advice is spot on! We’re cats. Good and bad have no meaning. We either have enough of what we want or we don’t. If we don’t, we make sure our humans know it so they can correct the situation. If they call that being bad that’s their problem in my book!
Sorry. The email and website info in my last comment are old ones. This one has the correct info. Somehow the form keeps autofilling my old info and I don’t always catch it. My bad.
Well,now you know what I’m going to do? I’m going to find something bad to get into…
Dear Sparlke,
Yous is absolutely right!!! Me is always bad, or if me is not bad, me has convinced one of my minions to do something bad. My pawrents is always getting me things to stops me from being bad!
Tee Hee
Kisses
Nellie
I think I shall try both…just in case!
Whether we are bad or good, we think that we’ll always be grrreat!
We know this is true since the Horde at the Lounge has already discovered it! You are very wise Sparkle!
REALLY? You mean we’ve been good for just so-so stuff? Darn! Do you think 5 days of naughty is enough to get great pressies?
Whisppy, you may has to RILLY rilly Apply yourself to get the Good Prezzies – but think of all the fun you’ll have being Naughty!!! HIGHPAW on the Advice, Sparkle!
Oh rats. This means Harley is going to get loads of presents…
Sparkle
YOU always hit the nail right on the head!
Paws up!!!
purrs
>^,,^<
♥Abby♥Boo♥Ping♥Jinx♥Grace♥
OMC! Sparkle! This is the most awesome advice post! Ever!
~Minnie
I believe in Santa Paws. I am asking for a new cat bed because I have outgrown my old ones. I already got a cool cat condo from my mommy and daddy. And they put something under the tree for me. I am spoiled and proud of it!
Love, Scout
Thanks, Sparkle! I’m gonna go climb the tree some more so I will get lots of presents!!
Ernie
Sparkle, darling, I have long suspected such a thing to be true, but I have never seed anykitty brave enough to speak this Great Truth aloud.
You have done a great service for all Felines today, Sparkle!
Cool! And we’ve been trying to be good so we can get presents! MOM!!!!!
I’ve known this for years which is why I never behave. The bigger [censored] I am, the more gifts I get. Heck, I’m getting a new cat tree this Christmas and the old one is still in one piece.
Oh yes – it’s time to be BAD!!!!! We likes this advice – officially sanctioned and approved by you, the guru of matters feline (not bad for a girlcat).
Must dash – I’m off to shred and pee and fur and climb.
Then that HAM should get a BOATLOAD of xmas gifts…*gRumble*
Good is for da beankids. Us kitties don needs no good jus for da toys and da treats. We deserves dem cause we IS. Dat nuf for da justififkautions of bein …. Bad just a nutter way of gettin us piktures taken more offens. Jus sayin ……
It all depends on what you call ‘bad’. For example it is really ‘naughty’ to tread on plates used by humans if you are a cat. But it usually is a quick way to get human attention focussed on the empty cat dish.
Great advice agan, Sparkle. I feel that it doesn’t matter if all of us kittes are naughty or nice also. We furballs just have to give our humans a certain cutsie look and they melt with awe, hence spoiling us with gifts anyway, Christmas or not.
Do you mean to say we have been busting a gut being good the last few weeks for nothing???? Right that’s it!!! House trashing at our place. Everybody welcome!
Good to know. …now what kind of misbehaving can I conjure up to score me some salmon!
xo Katie
[...] Humans aren’t as smart as we are. But I digress. Reverse psychology so. Sparkle’s post here tends to confirm my [...]