I’m homeless at the moment, but I’ve found a neighborhood with several families who feed me. I’ve decided I want to live at this one house – they have a couple of dogs (yuck), but the husband is really nice and he goes out of his way to buy cat food for me. The wife thinks they don’t need a cat (ha!) and tries to chase me away but I just ignore her when she starts telling me to leave. I tried getting into the house one night by climbing on the window screen in the bedroom and creating a racket, but they wouldn’t let me in. How do I get into the house and make these people realize that I’ve decided to stay?
Dirty but Determined
Hm. Judging from what you’ve decided to call yourself, I’d say take a tongue bath first before trying anything else. Otherwise, once you get inside you may find yourself subjected to a bath with water, and you know that’s no fun!
Anyhow, onto your dilemma… people are funny things, aren’t they? First they feed you, and then they pretend they have no idea why you’ve decided to come live with them. The solution here is twofold — in addition to getting into the house, you should really try to ingratiate yourself with the wife. Instead of acting snotty when she tries to shoo you off, look up at her with big, plaintive eyes and talk to her in soft tones. Try rubbing up against her legs. If she doesn’t seem to like that, then just hang out near her when she’s outside, as if you enjoy being in her presence. Granted, some of this may seem rather manipulative, but hey, we’re cats! Manipulation is our middle name.
As for getting into the house — what kind of cat are you that you even need to ask? This should be instinctive. Have you checked all around the place to see if there’s anywhere to sneak in? People usually have their homes secure enough to keep out other, unwanted people, but they don’t realize that a cat can get into some really miniscule holes. It’s best to do your snooping when no one is home — that way, if you get in, you can wander around to your heart’s content and get to know your new home before you’re actually invited to stay. Some key areas to look are under the house and around those window screens — sometimes, if the window is open, you can pull a screen open and climb in. The next step is what I fondly refer to as “barging right in” — wait until the people come home from the store and their arms are loaded with bags. The moment the door is open, rush right in under their feet — they won’t have any free hands to stop you. Once you’re inside, immediately make yourself at home in the kitchen and ask to be fed. If, for some reason, the people seem upset that you’re inside, don’t let them grab you — dash off to another room. Throw yourself on the floor and roll around on your back. Show them how much you love it there. Keep repeating this process from room to room until the people give up and feed you. If you manage to get thrown out (and I imagine this will happen to you the first couple of times), keep barging right in whenever you get the opportunity. Eventually this couple will realize that they’re stuck with you and let you stay.