My favorite window — the one that catches the best morning sunrays — has an extra-added benefit: these awesome blinds! I love chewing on them. They taste good and I can give my teeth a real workout on them. But something weird and icky happened to them the other day — I was hanging out and gnawing on them and they tasted awful! In fact, my tongue felt like it was burning! What happened, and what can I do to make them go back to the way they were?
In a Blind — I mean, Bind
Dear In a Bind,
Uh-oh, your human must not have liked you chewing on those blinds because I bet she put hot sauce on them! That is one of those stupid tricks that humans trade over the internet. Talk about fun killing. The solution to this issue is pretty simple, but it takes a really long time to execute, so be forewarned. First off, you must stop chewing on the blinds for now. This is easy enough — they taste so bad that you probably have no desire to anyhow. You will have to take a fairly lengthy break from enjoying the blinds for two reasons — for the hot sauce to wear off, and to convince your human you are no longer going to chew the blinds. After a few weeks, very carefully taste them to see if the hot sauce is still there. Make sure you do this when your human is out of the house; if she catches you, she will probably apply fresh hot sauce and you will have to start the process all over again. Once you have discerned that the blinds are safe to chew once again, you can return to your regular habit, but cautiously. Only do it when your human can’t see you, or hear the noise the blinds make when you are chewing. I know it is a pain to have to sneak around like that, but if you don’t want your taste buds to be unpleasantly surprised once again, you had better make sure your human is none the wiser about your activities.