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Dear Sparkle
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When cats have problems, who can better help them but another cat? I know there are other cat advice columns on the web, but frankly, they sound like some human was writing them! This is real cat-to-cat advice. Are you a cat in trouble? You don't want to get a lecture from some human. I'll tell you what's up. If you're a cat with a problem, write me at sparkle@sparklecat.com. I can't answer every email, but I'll try to pick a good one every month. Oh yeah, and no humans with cat problems - you guys should be grateful we tolerate you. |
Dear Sparkle,
I was abandoned by my sleazebag owner when he moved away, and his neighbors rescued me. I've
convinced them to let me come and go as I please. The only problem is that just because I hang around
outside a lot, they expect me to go to the bathroom there. But I don't want to! They started off
having a litter box for me, but once they started letting me out, they took it away! It was very
confusing when I came in and found it gone, so I did the most logical thing (well, logical
considering how badly I needed to go) - I went on the spot where the litter box used to be. For some
reason the humans were really bothered by this - frankly, I think I should have been the one
complaining. Is there something I can do to make these humans bring back my litter box?
Signed,
Confounded
Once again, humans have it all wrong. They think that just because your litter box is missing, you will immediately go outside to take care of business. Instead all they've done is inconvenienced you and caused you no amount of griefÑhow would they like it if one morning they woke up to discover someone had taken away their bathroom? You can bet you would never hear the last of it! While the humans who have adopted you sound like they mean well, they are clearly quite dense and if you are to get what you want, you may need to work extra hard to, shall we say, inspire them to behave properly. One thing you might do is virtually take up residence at the old spot where your litter box used to be. Every time you come in from your rounds outdoors, make a beeline for that spot and just sit there, looking at your humans accusingly. Complain loudly. Circle around the area, sniff and paw at it a few times. You don't have to actually do anything - in fact, it's even better if you don't, because just the thought that you might will stress them out even more than if you actually did. The key here is persistence - do this every time you come in, without fail, and be as loud and insistent as possible. The thing about humans is that they have surprisingly low tolerance for behavior they don't understand, plus they hate nagging with a passion! And the thing about us cats is we have no problem acting out repeatedly if it will eventually get us what we want. I call it "Siamese water torture." Your unrelenting attention to the place where your litter box once was will eventually reduce your humans to quivering masses of servitude. They will do anything to make you stop behaving so oddly. And that includes returning your litter box to its rightful place. At least that's what this tactic should do. If your humans still can't figure it out, I don't know what to tell you. In that case, perhaps a few strategically-placed "presents" will be in order.
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