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Dear Sparkle,
I really need your advice because my humans are abusing me! They give me whatever canned food they decide is okay, even if it's not my favorite. I've had the same kitty condo for three years now... not that I want this one to be replaced. I want a second one to go with the first, but they won't get it for me. I tried to scratch the couch in protest but they covered it with that gross double-sided sticky tape stuff. Plus I only get treats once a day, and sometimes my litter box goes for a whole day before it gets changed. And it gets worse - my humans brush me several times a week, which I hate and if I'm lying on the couch and they want to watch the television, they pick me up and put me in my own bed! So I need to know how to get in contact with the ASPCA. Do you think they can find me a better set of humans?
Signed,
Outraged

Dear Outraged,
Excuse me, but even for a cat you seem a little bit high maintenance. I am all for getting the tastiest food 24-7, unlimited treats, and having two (or more) kitty condos, but the lack of any of the above is not really abuse, at least it's not in the eyes of an organization like the ASPCA. They're more concerned with kitties who don't have any homes at all, or where the abuse concerns actual physical injury. I'm afraid that if you went to the ASPCA with your complaints they would only laugh in your face.

That said, I am not going to lecture you about all the starving, homeless cats who have to dig through garbage cans for their meals. (Actually, garbage can meals can be pretty yummy, I hear.) After all, you are entitled to everything you mentioned in your complaint. It's your attitude that's the problem. Entitlement walks a fine line before falling into an ocean of obnoxiousness. As cats we expect to receive the best food, abundant treats, pristine litter boxes and the softest place on the couch. Those cats who demand these things, however, might find themselves kitty non grata. We cats are generally bored by semantics, but it seems to me that you need to be taught the difference between expectations and demands. It makes all the difference between having what you want and having it denied you.

A cat's natural way of being is to expect that things are already exactly as we want them to be, and there's a certain magic in that. Because we have already assumed that our favorite food is in the cupboard or that that second cat condo is out there somewhere just waiting for us to claim it, our humans just naturally make the assumption that they must give it to us. When a cat goes around demanding what he wants, as you apparently are doing, the assumption is that you don't have it yet - otherwise, why would you need to demand it? That's when your humans realize that they have the option to say no, or that they can get you whatever it is you desire on their timetable. Even worse, when they get it for you, they may even expect you to be grateful! Gratitude should not even be in a cat's vocabulary. When you expect something to be there, after all, no gratitude is necessary.

So the bottom line here is that you need to loosen up, stop demanding things, and stop throwing tantrums every time you humans don't come through with items you consider necessary to your happiness. You should be the one in control, and right now you're letting your humans have all the power. The more you detach yourself from your humans and their frivolous whims, the more they will twist themselves inside out to please you. Yes, it sounds backwards, but that's how it works. The less you act like you care, the more your humans will care. Try it out for a few weeks - you'll see that I'm right.

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