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Dear Sparkle
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When cats have problems, who can better help them but another cat? I know there are other cat advice columns on the web, but frankly, they sound like some human was writing them! This is real cat-to-cat advice. Are you a cat in trouble? You don't want to get a lecture from some human. I'll tell you what's up. If you're a cat with a problem, write me at sparkle@sparklecat.com. I can't answer every email, but I'll try to pick a good one every month. Oh yeah, and no humans with cat problems - you guys should be grateful we tolerate you. |
Dear Sparkle,
I hate to brag, but I am truly a gorgeous cat. I have long, pretty fur, a big ruff and a very
fluffy tail. Because of this, humans often think I'm lazy and pampered but nothing could be farther
from the truth. In fact, I spend most of my days scanning my neighborhood for any strange cats, and
if I see any I beat them up! No cat is allowed within a 100-yard radius of my home unless I say so
(and I rarely say so). The only problem is that sometimes all this fighting gets in the way of my
looking my best. A few weeks ago I came home bleeding and just the other day I broke a tooth and the
vet had to take it out. I need to figure out how to hide these flaws so that they don't mar my good
looks. Any suggestions?
Signed,
Tough but Beautiful
Hmm. You do talk a good game, but it sounds like every now and again, someone's getting the best of you. As loathe as you may be to admit it, no cat wins a hundred percent of the battles she engages in. So you might as well get real: you can't be a winner all the time and you can't go out fighting all the other cats in the neighborhood and expect to look glamorous. It's one or the other - beauty or brawn. Either take your licks and nicks or stay home and spend your days grooming.
What should be a bigger concern is having your human check you out periodically for any hidden, infected bites that might turn into abscesses. Since you are a fluffy cat, one of your foes could nail you good and no one would be any the wiser until the infection started getting really bad. Usually, though, if there is a sore under your fur, it will hurt when touched - if your humans pet you and you react by yelling out and biting them, that should give them a clue that something's wrong underneath the fluff. Granted, if you do get an abscess, the vet will probably have to shave the wounded area and you may even have to wear a cone while it heals. This will definitely mar your beauty, at least for a while. But like I said, that comes with the territory when you want to be a tough cat. Beauty is important, but your health is essential.
Speaking of health, is your territory really all that important to you? Indoor cats (like me), on the average, have a lifespan of 14 years while outdoor cats often only live to be four (or less). Outdoor cats like yourself risk contracting serious illnesses from stray cats, being eaten by coyotes, getting attacked by strange dogs, suffering torture from evil, cruel humans, or getting hit by a car. None of this happens to us indoor cats. Granted, not every cat is happy staying indoors, but most of us adjust and are perfectly fine with it. It's just something to think about.
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